


A Little Foreknowledge

by beingbaz



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Merthur - Freeform, canon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:04:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingbaz/pseuds/beingbaz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If they're not careful, someone is going to burn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Foreknowledge

**Author's Note:**

  * For [freekishbe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freekishbe/gifts).



> Standard Disclaimer: All copyrights belong to their respective owners. I make no money from this, and merely wrote it for fun. Written for adults only. Blatant plagiarism is discouraged, as I worked really hard on this.
> 
> Prompt and inspiration for this story goes to freekishbe. This story is for you, b. I hope you like it. I took the canon and then did whatever I wanted to with it. I regret nothing.
> 
> No beta, all mistakes my own.

**Prologue**

She no longer drank the sleeping potions. Morgana Pendragon, having learned of her innate magical abilities, saw no point in the acrid liquids now. And because of this, more clearly than ever before, she dreamed. In her dream, she saw herself riding through a crowd, riding further into Camelot because someone precious was in danger and only she could stop it. There was a pyre, and the wood was being lit, and was she too late?

With a gasp, she woke. Blindly she stared around her room, the darkness no comfort to her. She hadn’t managed to see the person’s face, the person to be burned on the pyre, but she knew that this would somehow come to pass. Her visions rarely led her astray when true danger was involved.

There was only one person she could go to with this knowledge. Merlin knew of her abilities, and she knew he would help her. He wasn’t afraid of magic, and didn’t think she was evil for being a sorceress. Morgana slid from bed, and in the darkness managed to find a dressing gown to pull over her nightwear. Quietly, she made her way through the silent castle down to where the Court Physician, Gaius, practiced, on through the workroom with small steps, and into the anteroom where Merlin lived.

From the sound of his breathing, she could tell that he was sleeping. Morgana sat on the edge of his bed and somehow knew in the darkness where to place her hand so it was over his mouth before she shook him. His body stiffened and his eyes flew open. His hands came up and clamped over hers, pulling her hand away from his mouth.

“Who is it? Who’s there?”

“Merlin,” she said quietly. “It’s me.”

“Morgana?” he asked, and she felt the bed shake as he sat up. “It’s late. What’s wrong?”

She knew he would react like this. He was so caring, Merlin was. She cleared the sudden thickness in her throat, and whispered, “I’ve had a vision. A bad one. There’s going to be another burning in Camelot.”

“Tell me exactly what you saw.”

Quickly she went over the details of the dream, including the fear she felt while riding through the crowd, trying to save this mystery person. She concluded with, “I couldn’t even tell if they were male or female, noble or peasant. I only knew they were going to die if I didn’t intervene.”

For many moments, Merlin gave away nothing of what he was thinking. Finally he said, “This likely means there’s a sorcerer in Camelot who is caught, or someone is falsely accused. Either way, you probably know them. If you cared about them in your dream as much as you do in real life, it is highly likely that it’s someone you know.”

“But what can we do?”

“Keep our eyes open. If you know of someone else using magic, tell them to keep it quiet. And if someone is brought to suspect, you mustn’t intervene.”

“Merlin, in my dream I was definitely going to intervene.”

“How much chance is there that you’d expose your magic to save this person? Feeling how you do just from a dream?”

“I cannot sit by and simply do nothing when someone I care for burns!”

“Hush,” he cautioned her, one of his hands blindly patting at her shoulder. “I have an idea. I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“I’m not sure I like that tone in your voice,” she admitted, her brow furrowing.

“We should tell Arthur.”

“Tell Arthur!”

“Shh! Yes, tell Arthur. He’s as good as your brother, and can be on the lookout for this person more freely than you.”

“I have never been restricted in the castle.”

“Yes, but he goes among the men, and easily through the town. While you can watch the nobility of the castle, and I can try to watch the servants, Arthur can move freely and watch everyone else.”

Morgana said nothing as she thought over his words. Merlin knew this couldn’t be easy. He still kept his own magic a secret from her as well as Arthur, so he felt the hypocrisy of what he was asking of her quite strongly. But he believed what he said. Arthur was as good as her brother, and he would look out for her while trying to help her cause. If they could get him to believe it.

“Fine,” Morgana gave, standing from the bed. “Tomorrow afternoon. I’ll summon you, and you’ll know to bring him.”

Merlin nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Tomorrow it is then. Hopefully we’ll be able to save this person from burning without you having to expose yourself.”

“It may all come to pass anyway,” she murmured sadly, making her way toward the door.

“Let’s hope not,” he replied, hearing her leave his small chamber and close the door behind her. He let his body lay back onto the bed with a thump, knowing she would be able to make her way back upstairs as easily as she had made it down.

Doubts began to creep into his mind. What had he just done? And what kind of a hypocrite would she call him if she learned about his own magic? Groaning, he threw his forearm over his eyes, and then sighed. They would see what they would see. Tomorrow.

**One**

She summoned him all too soon.

“Arthur,” Merlin called out, stepping into the prince’s bedchamber. He’d been there several times already today to do his duties as personal manservant to the prince. This time, however, weighed on him quite heavily. “Arthur?”

“Over here, Merlin,” the dark haired man heard, and he walked further into the chamber to find Arthur near a window, staring out. “What is it?”

“Lady Morgana is asking for you,” he replied, his eyes drinking in the sight of his prince. He couldn’t admit it, and convinced himself that Arthur was unaware of it, but Merlin was indecently attracted to Arthur. Indecent because Merlin was a servant, for one thing. And, more importantly, Merlin was a man. The crown prince of Camelot could have his pick of any woman he wanted. Why would he ever choose a man, let alone Merlin? Shoving away these thoughts, he continued, “She wants you to come to her chambers. She has something to tell you.”

Arthur Pendragon turned to look at him then, all golden hair and blue eyes and that devastating smile. Merlin’s heart nearly skipped a beat before he could tell it to be quiet.

“Does she now?” said Arthur, stepping away from the window and that ever so flattering light.

“Yes, sire,” Merlin replied, ignoring the tightness he felt in his chest. “It seems to be rather urgent.”

The smiled seemed a bit more insolent now.

“And she has you running around as her messenger boy. This must be something of monumental proportions.”

Arthur moved to pass him, briefly nudging the secret sorcerer’s shoulder as he made his way. Merlin grinned, following him. They made their way through the room and into the hall, heading toward Morgana’s chambers.

“Well, you know young ladies,” Merlin joked, and Arthur turned his head to look at him.

He didn’t seem overly pleased when he asked, “Don’t tell me you’ve developed an improper affection for her now, have you?”

“No!” Merlin proclaimed, his eyes widening. “She’s just… a friend. The way Gwen is my friend, and you… are my friend.”

Arthur smirked. “You are so quick to throw that word around. Is everyone your friend?”

Merlin laughed somewhat uncomfortably. “Not everyone.” He then made a face at Arthur, and the blond man threw back his head with a laugh.

The trip to Morgana’s felt shorter than ever, and soon the two men stopped at her closed door. Arthur knocked on it, calling out, “Morgana! You asked for me and I’ve come.”

The maidservant Gwen pulled the door open, her brown eyes questioning. Although she was there, it was obvious that she wasn’t certain what was going on. Arthur stepped into the room with Merlin close on his heels before Gwen shut the door behind them.

“Morgana?” inquired Merlin. “We’re here.”

She came around from behind her dressing screen where Merlin guessed she’d been hiding. Or changing clothes. What she was doing he wasn’t certain of, but he was sure she had her reasons, whatever they were.

“Thank you, Merlin. Hello, Arthur.”

“Should I go, my lady?” Gwen asked, looking at Morgana.

After a moment, Morgana replied, “No. You’re… one of my best friends, and I want you to know this as well.”

Gwen’s eyebrows rose in curiosity, and she joined Arthur and Merlin where they stood.

“What is this all about?” Arthur said, staring at Morgana.

“This,” the pale woman replied, holding out her hand toward her dressing table. Her brow furrowed in concentration a moment before her green eyes flashed gold as the magic flared within her. Slowly, somewhat shakily, an elaborately decorated hairbrush lifted itself into the air and came across the room. Morgana gave a somewhat relieved smile as she curled her fingers around the handle.

Of the group, only Merlin was unaffected by the show of magic. Gwen’s eyes were huge and she kept looking back and forth from the dressing table to the brush Morgana now held. Arthur was frowning, his eyes taking on a stern look. Merlin watched Arthur, preparing to spring into action if he should run for the door. What he could do against the man, besides using his magic, he had no idea. But he would try.

Finally, Arthur spoke. “What… No, I know what this is. My question is how?”

“Sometimes magic simply is, Arthur. I have visions. I can perform magic, as you just saw. And nobody else in the castle knows of this but you three, now.”

“I knew, from before,” Merlin said quietly, and Arthur’s angry eyes turned on him. “I couldn’t say anything.”

Before Arthur could utter a word, Morgana offered, “He’s the one who convinced me to tell you.”

“And me?” Gwen asked, quietly, folding her hands together before her.

“No. I wanted to tell you.”

“But why now,” Arthur said, irritation clear in his voice. “You know the law. You know who my father is.”

“And he’s long stood in the place of my own father, making you the closest thing I have to a brother,” Morgana said passionately, stepping forward and putting a hand on the prince’s arm. “Do you think I want to see Uther’s eyes turned into hate against me for something that I am? Do you think I would have trusted you with this if you weren’t the honorable and noble man that you are?”

“Morgana…” Arthur tried to interject.

The green eyed woman shook her head at him. “You are my brother, and I need your help. It’s that simple. I have magic. I am a sorceress. I cannot change these things, and I don’t think I would if I could. Now. Will you help me?”

“I don’t know how I could help you,” Arthur gave. “Besides keeping your secret.”

“But you will keep it?” Merlin asked, and Arthur turned is head to look his manservant in the eyes.

“I am not happy about this, but I will keep her secret,” Arthur answered the dark haired man. He glared at Merlin. “Is there anything else that you are keeping hidden from me?”

Merlin hid his disappointment in himself and the world they lived in with a cheeky smile before lying and telling Arthur, “Nothing that would interest you.”

Arthur eyes held Merlin’s blue ones for a moment longer, his mouth pressed into an unhappy line. There were secrets still, the blond knew, and he did not like it one bit. After a few seconds had passed while he looked for honesty in Merlin’s eyes, he turned his gaze back to Morgana.

“What kind of help do you need?”

**Two**

Morgana smiled hugely and threw her arms around Arthur, hugging him tightly.

“I’m so glad Merlin was right about you,” she laughed.

Arthur stood still a moment before allowing himself to hug her back. “It’s as you said. You’re as close to a sister as I’ll ever have. What kind of a brother would that make me to turn on you when you need me?”

Morgana stepped back, and looked at the three of them before saying, “I need the help of all of you, actually.”

“My lady?”

“Yes, this includes you, Guinevere. If you’re willing.”

“Of course,” Gwen said, a little smile taking over her lips.

Morgana nodded, as though she hadn’t expected any less. “I said that I have visions. I had one last night.”

“Your nightmares?” Arthur interrupted.

“Yes. It turns out that they’re visions, or prophecies, not mere nightmares as I used to believe. The one last night… It shocked me awake, and I ran to the only person I believed could help. Merlin.”

The attention once again drawn onto him, Merlin did his best not to shift his feet. “Nothing untoward happened. She told me what she saw, and I suggested a course of action.”

“Just what did you see, Morgana?” Arthur asked.

“I was riding,” she started, all eyes in the room back on her. When she finished the retelling, she said, “Merlin said that if such a burning is going to happen, and I’m trying to publicly prevent it, that it must be for someone I care for. Someone I already know who is a sorcerer, or someone falsely accused.”

“It would be incredibly dangerous for you if you tried to use magic to stop it. You’d be publicly known, then,” Gwen said softly.

“That’s what we’re trying to prevent,” Merlin pointed out. “If Morgana keeps her eyes on the nobles of the castle, Arthur has his eyes on his men and the town, and Gwen and I monitor the workings of the castle servants, we can hopefully figure out just who is close enough to Morgana that may end up on a pyre.”

“You should draw up a list,” Arthur intoned, crossing his arms in front of him. “Write down everyone you think could be a sorcerer, as well as those whom you would intervene should they come to danger.”

The green eyed woman smiled and nodded. “I can certainly do that, if you think it would help.”

“It’s the best I can think of, for now,” Arthur said. “You should have come to me sooner.”

“You don’t know what it is to be that kind of afraid, Arthur. My very life is in danger every moment, just because of who I am. And it’s in danger from someone I’m supposed to trust. Someone one who has, time and again, proven that he hates my kind.”

Arthur had no reply to this. It was true that his father had a deep hatred against magic users, and he did not hide this fact. Still he considered him a good man.

“You should tell him,” the blond said suddenly.

“Arthur, I can’t. The whole point of telling you was to avoid someone being sent to the pyre.”

“He wouldn’t do that to you. Please. Just think about it, would you?”

“If I promise to think about it, will you leave it alone?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”

A silence settled over the group before Morgana walked over and set the hairbrush she’d been holding back in its place. Once it rested in its habitual spot, the dark haired woman looked back at the trio.

“Thank you. All of you,” she said. “You’re the truest friends anyone could ask for.”

“Of course,” Arthur replied. Gwen merely smiled that sweet smile of hers, and Merlin tried to ignore the ball of guilt he felt in his gut.

The important business done, they four of them conversed for a while more, before each went off to do their duties while the knowledge that they were trying to prevent a burning sat heavily in their minds. One mind felt it far more keenly than the prince and the maidservant, and cursed himself for holding his secrets so tightly inside.

**Three**

Despite their initial fervor, a month passed with nothing having happened. Morgana had that same vision again, once or twice, but she always woke before she could see the endangered person on the pyre. The sorceress had written up her list of people, and the four of them spent time watching those persons for any sign of magical ability. It had, so far, come to nothing.

“I’m so sick of this waiting,” Morgana groaned when the four of them met up in her chambers yet again. She and Arthur were seated in comfortable chairs while their servants stood nearby.

“You’d rather someone end up on the pyre to further things forward, sister?” Arthur asked, one eyebrow raised in derision. They’d taken to calling each other brother and sister in this time, and both felt very comfortable using the words as terms of endearment.

“Of course she doesn’t want that!” Gwen said hotly, giving the prince a look she would never have given him a month ago.

“I was jesting,” he soothed, and Merlin tried to ignore the jealousy gnawing at him from the look that passed between them. With her pretty face, lovely hair, and beautiful caramel colored skin, if there was one servant Arthur could fall for, it would have to be Gwen. And, of course, the second he showed a bit of interest, she would fall for him right back. And Merlin would have to be happy for them instead of miserable.

The dark haired sorcerer put on a false smile. “I should be getting back to my duties.”

Arthur’s blue eyes looked into Merlin’s before he said, “Your duties are as I assign them, Merlin. I am the prince here.”

Merlin mentally sighed. So much for escape. “Yes, sire.”

“Have you considered what I said, Morgana? About Father?” Arthur queried, the possibility of his manservant leaving having quickly left his mind.

Merlin’s eyes widened.

“I have, and if you really think he’ll take it well, then he should be told. But I can’t do it. If it turns out badly, I can’t see his face. I’ll never lose that image.”

“I’ll tell him,” Arthur volunteered. “I’ll get him alone after supper, and I’ll tell him you’re a… That you have magic.”

She grinned at him, while Merlin and Gwen exchanged worried looks.

“One of us should be listening at the door,” Merlin stated.

“And another should be nearby,” added Gwen.

“What for?” Arthur asked, looking between the two servants.

Morgana set her hand on Arthur’s hand for just a moment, before saying quietly, “Just in case he doesn’t take it well. So they can get me out.”

“You cannot be serious? All of you think my father is going to denounce the girl he’s raised as his ward and see her burned?” Arthur was incredulous.

“He may not, my brother. I don’t think it is a risk we should take. If he welcomes me with open arms, then more the fool me. But if does not, you three shall have to continue to keep watch in my absence, as I will hopefully be long gone from here.”

“Gone to where?” Arthur looked accusingly at Merlin. “Ealdor?”

They had shared many truths with one another in the past month, becoming such good friends that Morgana blanched at that. “I would never put Merlin’s mother at risk like that. Even if it is in another kingdom. That wouldn’t stop Uther besides.”

“Then where will you go,” Arthur asked unhappily.

“The Druids,” Merlin offered.

“Yes,” Morgana said. “I know I’ll be able to find them.”

“I’ll take her,” Merlin said into the sudden silence. “I’ll be out picking herbs for Gaius, so no one will look for me.”

“I’ll be at the door, then,” Gwen said as though the matter were closed. “Arthur, you’ll tell, and I’ll be listening. If things go badly, I’ll signal to Merlin.”

“And I’ll meet up with Morgana at the stables where she’ll be waiting for me. Yes?” Merlin asked, glancing at Morgana.

She was happy they had a plan and readily agreed.

“There’s only one flaw in your plan. Gaius may not need you to gather any herbs for him,” Arthur pointed out.

Merlin’s reply was breezy. “Oh, he’s always in need of this or that. He won’t miss me.” The truth of the matter was, Gaius had been informed about their little group and its purpose some time ago. He wouldn’t want Morgana harmed due to Uther’s prejudice, and Merlin knew the old man would gladly help.

“You’re going to have to be invisible in the castle all day then, Merlin,” Arthur said, giving Merlin a hard look.

“He’ll stay here,” Morgana volunteered. “Only we four will know he’s in here. Say a half an hour before you’re going to tell your father, you’ll alert Gwen, who will alert Merlin, and me. I’ll take what I need straight to the stables, Merlin will watch Gwen from a distance, and Gwen will be in the most dangerous spot of all. Eavesdropping.”

“I’m not in any danger?” Arthur mused. “I’m going to be right there in the thick of it.”

“The worst he’ll do to you for keeping it a secret is throw you in the dungeon for a few days. The rest of us? We won’t be treated nearly as gently,” Morgana murmured.

“In a week, I’d say,” Arthur pronounced decisively. “The delegation from Mince will have left by then. It seems as good of a time as any.”

The sorceress nodded, grateful that Arthur wasn’t taking insult over their worries about his father. She, too, believed that Uther could be a good man. However, especially when it came to matters of magic, he was too often blinded by rage and hatred.

The matter settled, Arthur stood. “Come along, Merlin. I have armor that needs polishing.”

“Yes, Arthur,” the dark haired man intoned unhappily, following the prince as he left Morgana’s chamber.

Once they’d returned to his own set of rooms, the blond turned an inquisitive eye on his friend. “You don’t really think he’d hurt her, do you?”

Merlin looked away from Arthur’s too piercing blue eyes before saying, “Not everyone responds to magic as well as you have, Arthur. There’s a reason many sorcerers stay silent and keep their magic a closely guarded secret.”

“You’re thinking of Morgana’s mystery man,” Arthur deduced, going over to his work table. He pulled out the chair and sat heavily onto it, his thoughts troubled.

Merlin had actually been thinking of himself, but this was as good a bluff as any he could have come up with. “I have been thinking of that person, yes. Morgana’s previous visions, that I know of, have either been warnings or have come true. I worry for her, and her safety, if this one comes to pass.”

“You’re less worried about the accused sorcerer?”

Merlin looked at his prince with a fond smile. “Wouldn’t a real sorcerer be able to find a way to escape the pyre on their own?”

“You have a point. I would expect any sorcerer caught to be able to get themselves out. Loosen the knots, or summon a rainstorm. Something.”

A moment of silence stretched between them while they merely smiled at one another. Merlin’s thoughts were sweet, and he briefly wished they were equals and that he could kiss Arthur, just once.

Arthur broke the moment by clearing his throat and looking away.

“Anyway,” the prince said, licking his lips. Merlin’s belly did not fill itself with butterflies at the sight, or at least that’s what he told himself. “That armor I spoke of. It really does need a good polishing.”

Fondly, Merlin nodded, and went off to do his work.

**Four**

It was time. Arthur had been in with his father for at least fifteen minutes now, and Gwen had her ear pressed to the closed door. Merlin was just down the hall, poised to run, and hopefully Morgana was where she was supposed to be. Gaius wasn’t expecting Merlin’s return until the next day at the earliest. Everything was in place, just in case.

“She what?” Gwen suddenly heard shouted from the room within. She pressed her ear more firmly to the door, listening just in case the king was so blinded by his hatred of magic that no one was safe. “No witch is going to live in this castle as my ward. I’ll have her burned, I’ll…”

Gwen was finished listening. She sprinted down the hall towards Merlin, mouthing, “Run!”

He took off before she had even gotten near him. He wasn’t sure where she was heading, probably down to the kitchens to be safely among other servants while this storm blew over the castle. Merlin’s feet were light, and he hustled through the empty hallways. If they were lucky, both he and Gwen would avoid any curious onlookers this night.

Luck was with them, it seemed, despite the rage of the king.

Merlin was breathing heavily by the time he got to the stables, but still he entered quietly so as not to spook the horses. Just above a whisper, he called for Morgana.

“I’m here,” she replied just as quietly, stepping out from between two saddled horses. “Do we flee?”

“It’s as we feared. We ride,” Merlin urged, “and quickly. They’ll notice you missing very soon.”

Into the darkness the two rode while the castle was being torn apart in search of the king’s ward. They rode through the town and into the forest, and Merlin let Morgana take the lead.

“You’re sure you know where you’re going?” he eventually asked her. They had been riding for a number of hours. Overhead, the light of the setting moon occasionally broke through the forest canopy lighting their way.

“It’s like I can feel them, in my head,” Morgana replied. “Don’t you feel it?”

If Merlin reached inside himself, he could feel the pull of so many magical beings in one place. But he didn’t dare admit it, even now. He shook his head instead, saying, “I’m just glad you know the way.”

They followed that pull deep into the forest, and soon enough, some Druids came out to meet them.

“Emrys,” Merlin heard in his mind, the name the Druids had given him resonating through his thoughts.

He assumed Morgana had gotten a similar message when she gave a soft sigh and said, “We’re here.”

Two men had come out to greet them, and Merlin informed them as to why they were there. The men looked between the two of them, before the older one said, “We will gladly take you in, my lady, and teach you what we know. Are you certain this is the path you wish to take?”

“It’s the only path I have,” she replied sadly. “The place I’ve long called home is now a prison to me, a place only of suffering and death. I cannot return there.”

“And you, Emrys,” the man turned and looked at Merlin curiously. “Do you seek solace here as well?”

He knew Morgana must be looking at him due to the way he’d been addressed, but he didn’t glance at her. “The king only believes Morgana to be a sorceress. It is her safety, her sanctuary that I am seeking. Please.”

The older man nodded at Merlin, and the sorcerer knew his secret would be kept by the Druids for at least a little while longer. “We will take her. You will need to return soon. Your king will not turn a blind eye to two horses being long gone. And you will need these.” Merlin was handed a basket filled with herbs.

“How did you…?” he started to ask.

Morgana’s laugh was sweet and childish when she turned toward him. “I must not be the only one with visions. Hurry, Merlin. We don’t want you to raise any suspicion.”

He nodded. “Good luck to you, Morgana. I’ll visit. We’ll visit. Somehow, I promise you, this isn’t the last you’ve seen of us.”

He heard the smile in her voice as she said, “Of course we’ll see each other. Now that you’ve come, surely you can find it again, and bring my brother with you.”

“Certainly,” he replied, grinning. “Good luck to you.”

“Safe journey. Hurry back to the castle. Dawn will be breaking soon, and you haven’t slept.”

Merlin turned his horse back the way he’d come at her words, and rode alone back into the night. Before he was ready the day broke, and still he rode, until the sun had long risen and he finally reached the town. The horse was returned to the empty stables, where Merlin quickly took care of the horse’s needs before his own. He crept back through the castle and came to find a relieved Gaius waiting for him.

“I feel as though this day is three,” the old man said, taking the basket of herbs from Merlin with one hand and clapping the young man on the shoulder with his other.

“Have I been looked for?” Merlin asked. His eyes held shadows, and he was extremely tired. The rush from earlier in the night had long faded from his body, leaving only weariness.

“You were asked after, but when I told them you had left earlier in the day to gather herbs for me, no one questioned further. And you’ve actually come back with herbs, so well done you.”

“Thank the Druids for them. Oh. I think I could sleep for a week,” Merlin groaned. “Is there any chance I might have to sleep today?”

“I’m afraid not, my lad. Arthur has asked for you to be summoned the moment you got back. I hope you paid attention to the herbs you’ve brought me, just in case you’re questioned about them.”

“I examined them as I rode this morning. Besides this whole mess, there was little else to occupy my thoughts.”

“I see. Well, off to Arthur with you. Wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.”

Merlin grimaced, tried to rub the tiredness out of his eyes with both hands, and left Gaius in the workroom with the Druid’s herbs.

Merlin had barely pushed Arthur’s door open when he heard, “Merlin! You look terrible. Is picking herbs for Gaius really that hard for you? If only you took the duties I give you as seriously as the orders he does!”

Merlin gave Arthur a nervous smile. Standing before him was the prince, and King Uther was turning around to face him where he stood frozen in the doorway. “I’m sorry. I thought it was rather important. Not that taking care of your armor isn’t important,” he backpedaled.

“Merlin, you look exhausted,” intoned the king far too smoothly. “I have been led to believe that you left yesterday afternoon. Didn’t you sleep?”

The sorcerer could sense a trap in the making. “I tried, sire, but couldn’t sleep very well. I kept hearing noises which kept me awake. I apologize for appearing so poorly before you.”

The king paused a moment before asking, “Just which herbs did you take the time to gather? I’m sure Gaius has need of many for his stores.”

Merlin told him of the herbs which had been given to him, and he was very grateful he’d taken the time to study them over. With the look in Uther’s eyes, his word was going to be questioned. He was suddenly extremely grateful to the Druids. The plan concocted by the four of them had completely forgotten the herbs he was supposedly to have gathered. He guessed they hadn’t figured he’d really need any.

“I see,” said the king once Merlin was done with his recitation. “As you’ll no doubt hear, my ward, Morgana, has gone missing. Anyone with information that leads to her discovery will be amply rewarded.”

Merlin nodded and willed his body to have that be the only reaction. He wanted to shake under the glare of Uther’s scrutiny, but didn’t dare. He couldn’t risk a glance at Arthur, knowing it was in his best interest to keep his focus on the king. “Yes, sire.”

“Of course, anyone who is found to have had anything to do with her… disappearance will be severely punished.”

“Of course, sire.” Merlin watched as the interest appeared to leave Uther’s face. He knew his story would still be checked, but Merlin had the feeling he’d just barely avoided a longer suspicion.

“You do look awful, Merlin. I’m afraid to let you near my boots for fear you’d fall asleep and drool all over them,” Arthur said with a chuckle as Uther turned away. “I won’t need you today, but be sure to be up bright and early tomorrow morning. I’m going to want a big breakfast.”

“But,” the dark haired man interjected, confused, “shouldn’t we be going out to search for Lady Morgana?”

Sounding more serious, Arthur said, “We have men out patrolling the city, and they’ll take to the forest tomorrow. Now, go get some sleep. I’ll hear no arguments against it. Just because you were too terrified to sleep last night is no excuse for being so exhausted that you ignore what I say today.”

Arthur was trying to tuck him away where he’d be safe, Merlin realized. To get and keep him out of the king’s scrutiny. “As you wish, sire,” he relented, giving Arthur a real smile before backing out of the room.

Shortly Merlin found himself back in Gaius’s company, explaining what had happened, and being cheerfully ordered by the old man to go to sleep as well.

**Five**

Morgana slowly opened her eyes, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. She sat up with a little yawn, covering her mouth with one hand. She smiled. She rose from her bed, pulled on her boots, and made her way outside, finding several people gathered around a fire.

“Good morning,” she greeted as she approached them. She still wore the riding outfit she’d had on the night before, but felt unselfconscious about her clothing. The Druids didn’t seem to be bothered by it, and she only had so many changes of clothes that she’s brought with her.

“Good morning, Morgana,” greeted the oldest one. It was the same man who had met and spoken with her and Merlin before. “It’s good to see you awake. How are you feeling?”

“I’m well, Llywelyn, thank you for asking.”

“Come, sit with us. We’ve already eaten, but I’m sure we can find something for you,” he said, looking at one of the women next to him. The woman smiled, and rose to head to her own dwelling. A few minutes later, she returned to the group and handed Morgana a hunk of black bread and mouthwatering cheese.

“It’s simple,” she said, handing them to the sorceress, “but it should slake your hunger nonetheless.”

“Thank you.” Someone made room for her to sit, and so she did before gratefully biting into her breakfast.

“Emrys will have made it safely back by now,” Llywelyn told her while she chewed. Morgana raised one delicate eyebrow at his words. He indicated the woman who had brought her food out. “My wife, Cariad, is a seer. She’s the one who told us of your coming, as well as of his return journey.”

“It is a shame he did not stay with us,” Cariad murmured, her voice soft and sweet. She tucked her red hair back behind her ears before she continued. “He would do so much better with us here than there.”

Swallowing, Morgana asked, “What do you mean?”

Cariad didn’t see as Llywelyn slightly shook his head. “As powerful as he is, he still has much to learn. We could help him refine his magic, just as we will do for you.”

“Merlin? Magic?”

Llywelyn sighed and ran a hand through his salt and pepper colored hair. “Cariad, that was not our secret to spill.”

“Oh, no,” the woman gasped. “I didn’t mean to. I thought she had to know.”

“That’s not possible,” Morgana uttered, staring at Llywelyn. “I would have known. He would have said something to me if he was magic. After all, he knew about me. I wouldn’t have said anything. He can’t be.”

“He is,” the man stated with a shrug. The cat was out of the bag. “He’s likely the most powerful sorcerer of our time, yet he hides away in Uther’s castle playing manservant to the prince.”

“I can’t believe him!” Morgana said angrily, shooting to her feet. “He didn’t tell of my magic, yet encouraged me to bring it to Arthur’s attention. He’s hiding, lying, and he didn’t tell me!”

“Morgana,” Llywelyn admonished. “Considering your own current position, can you really blame him?”

Huffing out her air in one breath, she plopped back down. “It isn’t safe there. I’ve had a vision, and someone is going to burn. He was helping me look for them, to try and secret them out safely. What if it’s him?”

“He’s rather good at hiding, I’d say. Can you say with certainty that it’s him?”

“I… No, I can’t. My vision never lets me see that far.”

“Perhaps I could help you?” Cariad offered. “I can show you the things I do when I’m seeking a vision.”

“What do you do when the vision comes upon you in the night?” Morgana asked before tucking back into what was left of her breakfast.

“The best I can say is that I try to come awake in it. I try to become a part of it, even if it just as an observer, and do my best to see it through until its end.”

The dark haired woman nodded before saying, “So I must take control of myself in these visions, and do more to control them rather then they controlling me. It does not sound easy.”

“It certainly takes practice,” Cariad replied. “There are still visions which hold me hostage, in which I have no control despite all my efforts. The most I can do then is try to ride them out.”

“But you can teach me?” The meal finished, she eagerly looked at the red haired woman.

“I can certainly try.”

“And then I’ll know if it’s Merlin or not on the pyre. I’ll be able to see who it is, and send word to save them.”

**Six**

Merlin smiled at Gwen in the kitchens. In the time since Morgana left, her duties had changed. She was still to maintain Morgana’s chambers “for her return,” according to the Arthur by order of the king. The rest of her time was spent helping the kitchen staff, and to be useful anywhere else someone needed her.

“Prince Arthur is going to request your presence come noon, Gwen,” Merlin said as he put together a breakfast tray for Arthur.

She nodded, watching him. “Will you be there?” she asked. In other words, was this going to be one of their little meetings? They hadn’t had one since Morgana left, and Gwen had grown a little bit antsy at the silence.

“I will,” he replied, picking up the tray and turning to go. “Don’t forget. An hour after noon.”

“I won’t, Merlin. You’d best get going before he throws a pillow at your head again.”

“He’d better not, or he’d lose his precious breakfast,” Merlin said cheerfully. “See you, Gwen.”

The sorcerer took to the hallways with a smile, nodding at the few he passed. It was early, and for the most part, it was the time of day for the servants, not the nobles. The trip up to Arthur’s chambers was otherwise uneventful, and he hummed a bit under his breath. Opening Arthur’s door, he headed straight for the bed, ready to wake Arthur, only to find the prince sitting up in his nightclothes.

“Arthur?” Merlin questioned, bringing the food around to the blond. “You’re up early.”

The prince sighed, taking the tray. “I feel a bit like Morgana,” was his response.

Merlin wasn’t quite sure he understood. “Morgana, why?”

“Bad dream.” Arthur took a bite of sausage, watching Merlin as he chewed. First bite down, he said, “Did you speak to Gwen like I told you to last night?”

“I did. Told her an hour after noon. She said she’d be here.”

Arthur nodded as though he expected no less.

Merlin stood there, silently waiting, watching his prince. And he was Merlin’s prince, to be sure. The sorcerer hoped his cheeks weren’t warming at his thoughts. Surely, if Arthur knew, he’d be thrown in the stocks or in the dungeon for sure. Merlin couldn’t help but notice all the things he liked about Arthur; the way his hair fell, his shapely mouth, his strong hands with their long fingers. What he wouldn’t give, he mused, to have Arthur feel the same way about him.

Arthur interrupted his musings. “Surely you have better things to do than watch me eat, Merlin. If you don’t, I’m certain there are things I can find for you to do.”

“No, there’s plenty,” Merlin stated, shaking his head. “First I’ve got to help Gaius, then there’s the meeting this afternoon, and then…”

“I don’t need to hear the whole of your day. Why don’t you go check on my horses, and then come back to take up my tray? Then you can help Gaius to your heart’s content.” Arthur gave Merlin a lopsided smile, one that looked so fond it nearly broke Merlin’s heart.

“Of course,” he said quietly, but didn’t move. They looked at each other a moment longer, and Merlin couldn’t help but hold his breath, unwilling to let anything break this connection. What did it mean? That look in Arthur’s eyes, was it what Merlin was feeling, or was it something else. Did Arthur want him as badly as he wanted his prince?

Again, Arthur looked away first, saying nothing, merely returning to his meal. Not knowing what else he could say, Merlin nodded, turned on his heel and left the room. The horses would be thoroughly looked over, and Merlin knew he’d likely be spending some time later in the afternoon mucking out the stables. It wasn’t a job he loved, but he knew it was necessary.

Arthur hadn’t been in his room when Merlin returned for the tray, and Merlin wondered where he’d wandered off to. After that, the morning passed quickly. He sometimes wondered if he hindered Gaius more than he helped, but the old man always cheerfully took whatever Merlin had done in stride, even if the dark haired man had done it wrong and needed to start all over again, using up precious supplies.

He brought Arthur’s lunch up, a nice soup with bread baked fresh that morning, but didn’t see the prince in his chambers. He set the tray on a table, and turned to go when he heard from the doorway, “Finally brought me something to eat, have you? A man could starve with you as his servant.”

Merlin smirked as Arthur walked into his chambers, shutting the door behind him. “I’m certain you could find your way to the kitchens on your own if you really needed to. They might even feed you, if you were desperate enough.”

“Very funny. Why don’t you tidy up around here while I eat? There’s something I’ve wanted to talk with you about.”

“Certainly.” But despite his words, Arthur didn’t launch into conversation. Rather, he took his food and found a place to sit comfortably while he ate it, mostly watching Merlin. The sorcerer snuck glances at the blond while the other ate, once in a while catching his eye.

Merlin had tidied the room, and had just finished making up the bed when Arthur spoke again. He’d finished his meal and snuck up behind Merlin, which is why Merlin jumped when Arthur said, “No wonder nothing ever gets done, if you do it all this slowly.”

“Um,” Merlin uttered, having nothing to say for once. Arthur was so close, he almost lost his tongue. “What was it you wanted to speak to me about?”

At that, Arthur’s face took on a stern look. “I know you’re keeping a secret from me, Merlin. I’ve known since before Morgana left, and I won’t have it. I want to know what it is immediately.”

Merlin’s heart stuttered and a cold fear washed over him. His chest felt heavy, as though he couldn’t breathe, and he knew that every second he didn’t spend in denial, every second he stood so still and silent confirmed what Arthur knew.

“Arthur, I don’t…”

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t belittle me with your lies.”

Merlin’s breathed so shallowly, he almost thought he might pass out in a manly fashion. He swallowed, the panic he tried to avoid clawing away at his insides. He had three choices, really. To tell Arthur one truth, that he was in love with him. To confess that he was magic, like Morgana. Or he could own up to both, which was the most terrifying of all.

Here come the stocks, he thought, staring at Arthur’s waiting face.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, stepping closer to Arthur. The prince’s eyes widened as he watched the other man. “Please don’t hate me.”

With that, the dark haired man stepped the rest of the way into the prince’s space, slipped a hand behind the blond’s head, and then pulled Arthur to him to kiss him, quite firmly. With a jerk, he stepped back, his eyes wide and afraid.

Arthur’s mouth fell open. “That’s what you were hiding?”

“Yes. I’m in love with you.” The prince stared at him silently. “I can go. You can decide on my punishment, and I’ll never mention it again, and…”

Arthur huffed out a breath before a smile overtook his lips. “Shut up, you idiot.”

This time it was Arthur who pulled Merlin in, kissing him roughly. Arthur pushed his fingers through Merlin’s dark hair, and the sorcerer wound his arms around his prince, running his hands over Arthur’s back. Merlin moaned when Arthur deepened the kiss, feeling himself start to harden and unable, for once, to will his desire away. Arthur pressed closer, grinding himself against Merlin, and the dark haired man was able to feel the prince’s desire against his own.

And then there was a knock at Arthur’s door. They jumped apart, staring at each other and breathing heavily. Arthur looked at him with a hunger in his eyes that the sorcerer had never before seen. They still touched, and each let go of the other. Arthur brushed his hands down his shirtfront, pretending he wasn’t as aroused as he was.

“Just a minute,” the prince called out. Much more quietly he said to Merlin, “We’ll have to talk about this more later, Merlin. I can’t believe… I thought you had to know.”

Merlin whispered right along with him. “I didn’t. I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t risk you hating me.”

“I don’t hate you. Obviously.”

Each of them hoped to will away their erections while they spoke, and Merlin assumed it was Gwen or another servant at the door. If it had been the king, he’d simply have walked in. Given the time, it was most likely Gwen.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought I couldn’t risk it.”

“Does anyone else know? Morgana? Gwen?”

“No one.”

Another knock sounded. Arthur nodded, then stepped away to go sit in one of his chairs. Merlin felt himself composed enough as well, and went to answer the door. Pulling it open, he smiled somewhat nervously at Gwen, who stood there with a grin.

“An hour after noon, and here I am.”

“Come in, Guinevere,” Arthur called, and the maidservant made her way inside. Merlin closed the door behind her, and then followed in her wake. They stood around Arthur where he sat, and waited for the prince to speak.

Into the silence, Gwen said, “You summoned me?”

Arthur seemed to come to himself when she said that. “Yes. Merlin and I are going to go on a hunting trip come tomorrow.”

“A hunting trip?” Merlin echoed. “This is the first that I’ve heard of it.”

“Shut up, Merlin.” The prince lowered his voice so that no one at the door would be able to hear him. “It’s just an excuse to get away from the castle alone. While Father is going to be busy with the guests coming from Osura, we’re going to visit Morgana. I’d take you with, Gwen, but they’d find something suspect with me taking you along with on a hunting trip. And not just because you’re a woman.”

“Because I was Morgana’s servant,” she said in a hushed tone. “But why are you telling me?”

“I thought you might want me to convey any messages to Morgana, or gifts, or some note. You know how she cares for you. I can’t promise to bring anything but her good wishes back with me, however.”

“In case we’re being watched?” Merlin whispered.

“My father has his suspicions as to who helped Morgana escape, but he has no proof, and we don’t want to give him any reason to look at one of us,” the prince replied.

“I won’t give you any note,” said Gwen. “Nothing they can hold against you. Just send her my best wishes, and tell her that I miss her. I haven’t seen anything in her chamber that she might be missing, so I believe she took all she wanted. All that was important.”

Arthur gave a little nod at that. “And you can find your way again to the Druid camp, correct?” he asked Merlin.

Merlin knew that he could, and said so. “I don’t know how welcoming they’ll be, but they didn’t seem to mind me before. It’s only you I worry about.”

The blond gave a little chuckle. “Don’t worry about me. I’m more worried about your navigation skills.”

“Won’t your father find it odd that it’s just going to be the two of you,” Gwen inquired, shifting on her feet.

“I’ve already told him that I didn’t want to take a barrage of knights with me on this hunt. Merlin’s bad enough for noise, but even more than that could scare off what game there is. We’ll have to catch something on our way back from seeing Morgana, mind you.”

“Obviously. And I’m not that loud,” Merlin muttered.

“I say you are,” Arthur scoffed. More loudly, he said, “So I’m going to want you to pack up some travel fare for our trip, Gwen. I’m sure you can do that.”

In the same tone, she replied, “Certainly. I can have it ready for you by tomorrow morning. How many days worth should I pack?”

“I’d say at least a week’s. The last time I went hunting, the game was scarce, so we could be out there a while.”

“I’d best let Gaius know I’ll be gone,” Merlin said, just as loudly as the other two. “Your horses were just fine when I checked them this morning, but I’d best look over your hunting gear.”

“Yes, yes,” Arthur said, coming to his feet between them. “Back to work, the both of you.” Gwen’s lips tilted up in a small smile before she turned and left. Merlin hung back a moment, waiting for Arthur to move so he could make his own way out. The prince turned to look Merlin in the eye. “And don’t you worry, Merlin. We’ll still be having that talk later.”

“All right. Will you still be wanting your bath tonight?” said the dark haired man.

“I will. I’m supping with my father tonight, so have it ready around that time. And don’t let the water grow cold.” Arthur led the way out of his chambers, leaving Merlin a few steps behind.

Merlin mentally rolled his eyes. It was just like Arthur to demand that Merlin keep the water hot until he wanted it without giving an actual time for it to be ready. As though the water would know to wait for him.

The day passed quickly, and before long, Merlin was ordering a bath for his prince. The tub was carried up, and the hot water was poured in. After that, all Merlin could do was wait for Arthur to return. Every now and again, Merlin would test the water with a hand to see just how much it cooled. The water was extremely tepid, and Merlin was almost out of patience.

Of course Arthur wouldn’t hurry with his meal. It’s not like there was someone waiting to serve him, trying to do their best for him despite his own irritating ways. Merlin huffed out a sigh. Princes, he thought.

Finally the water was more cool than warm, and Merlin knew this would mean only one thing. Arthur would complain, and Merlin would have to personally empty the bath, boil fresh water, and cart it all back upstairs himself. He glanced at the door, coming to a decision. What good was being a sorcerer if you never used it? he mused.

Merlin listened hard to the silence in the room, hoping that no one was coming. He dipped his fingers into the water, his eyes flashed from blue to gold, and his magic warmed the water from where he was touching. Content that the liquid was the proper temperature, he stood back, smiled, and mentally patted himself on the back.

Of course, Arthur took that exact moment to walk though his door.

“Some meals last forever with my father,” he uttered, looking at Merlin. “You didn’t let my bath grow cold, did you?”

“I just tested it. Nice and hot for you.”

“That’s good. Now help me get out of this,” Arthur demanded, raising his arms. Merlin quickly helped him strip down to his final layer, taking the clothes with him while he went to Arthur’s wardrobe to get the man’s nightclothes and dressing gown, and giving the prince time to remove that final layer and get into the bath. Shortly he rejoined Arthur, laying out the nightclothes on the prince’s bed.

“Will there be anything else?” Merlin asked, keeping his eyes away from the form in the water.

“Merlin, look at me.”

The sorcerer did, his eyes locked onto Arthur’s and refusing to stray over the body that lay in the tub. “Yes, Arthur?”

“You should have told me sooner.” Merlin realized that Arthur was referring to his confession. One of his secrets.

“I couldn’t. I thought you’d have me put in the stocks, or locked away, or banished. You’re the crown prince. I’m just a servant.”

“Hm, and not a very good servant at that.”

That caused Merlin to give a slight laugh. “So you say.”

“I thought about telling you,” Arthur mused, watching Merlin for any reaction. “I thought about bringing you in here, like this, and telling you I wanted you. We’ve caught each other’s eyes so many times, I could have sworn you saw the want in mine.”

“I didn’t. I was more worried that you’d notice mine.”

“So we’re both fools.”

“But now what? You’re the prince. You have to marry one day, and produce heirs. And I’ll just keep serving you. Watch you fall in love with someone else,” Merlin said sadly.

“That’s not today. And that might not happen. I’ve never… Have you ever wanted to kiss a woman?”

“Some, yes. Mostly I’ve been interested in men. Why?”

“I’ve kissed women, and enjoyed it. But I’ve only been able to kiss one man, and then, finally, it felt right. I was too afraid to try with another man, before. And you still had to go first. I couldn’t believe my luck. Here was someone I was dying to kiss, and he’d just kissed me. Of course, you looked like you were waiting for me to punch you after that, which wasn’t good.”

“I never thought you could want me.”

“You haven’t looked at yourself, Merlin. There’s something about you that makes you wonderful. I could watch you for hours.”

“You already know how handsome you are, so I’m not going to tell you,” Merlin joked.

Arthur smiled, then said, “I want to kiss you again.”

Merlin’s mouth was suddenly dry. “I’d love to kiss you, but you’re…”

“Close your eyes if you’re a prude. Now come here.”

**Seven**

This trip to the Druids felt far more pleasant than the last, Merlin mused. Not riding in fear for one’s life, enjoying the sounds and warmth of the day while they trampled fallen autumn leaves rather than listening for problems coming in the night. He said as much to Arthur.

“Of course it’s better, idiot. It’s not a run through the dark with the fear of riders at your heels. And you’ve much better company.”

“Best not let Morgana hear you say that.”

The two of them conversed while Merlin let that tug, that feeling of magical beings draw them deeper and deeper into the forest. He couldn’t tell Arthur that this was the way he was leading them there, and besides inquiring as to whether or not Merlin was certain as to where he was going, Arthur didn’t ask. They took a rest after some time had passed, sharing some of the food Gwen had carefully packed.

In some ways, this was a trip unlike any other. He and Arthur, riding out on some journey, but this time there was a heightened sense of awareness of each other. It gave cause for lingering touches when they handed each other things, just a brush of fingers, their eyes meeting and holding just a moment longer than was necessary. Merlin would have found it odd if it wasn’t exactly what he wanted. The touches, the glances, all of it felt as though it were building up to something between him and Arthur and he couldn’t wait for it.

As before, after many hours of riding, the Druids seemed to appear from nowhere to block their path. This was a group of three men, and Merlin didn’t recognize any of them. Two were obviously twins, and even dressed alike, while the one in the middle stood a head taller than the other two with long dark hair.

Bluntly, the tallest one asked, “What do you want?”

“I’m Merlin, called Emrys, and this is Prince Arthur Pendragon. We’ve come to see his sister, the lady Morgana.”

The man nodded. “I am Talfryn, and these,” he indicated the men on either side of him, “are Siorys, and Einer. Dismount and walk with me, and I will lead you to the camp. Keep safe watch, you two.”

Merlin did as he was bid, and after a moment, Arthur followed suit. Talfryn kept up a steady chatter as he led the way, leaving little room for either Merlin or Arthur to talk, but they didn’t find this to be a hardship. They had spent their energy on this long day, and having someone else to carry the conversation was welcome. They had left in the early morning, and the sun was beginning to set on the horizon.

They crested a hill and there below them lay the camp, with many people milling about. It seemed the camp was winding down for the night, and there were many people gathered around a campfire. One of them happened to be Morgana. Talfryn reached for their reins, and shortly led their horses a short distance away to tether them and see to their care.

They walked down the hill towards the group, and the sorceress turned her head just so and saw them coming.

“Arthur!” she said excitedly, jumping up and running to greet them. 

He laughed and hugged her when she reached them. “It’s good to see you, sister. I take it that things are going well?”

She grinned at him. “They are. They are even helping me with my visions. I may yet learn who the mystery person is.” Morgana turned her attention to Merlin, a knowing look in her eyes. “And Merlin, how are you?”

He hadn’t a clue as to what that look could mean, but answered her honestly. “I’m well, Morgana. Gwen sends her affection, and says she misses you.”

“I miss her, too. Now come, sit with me, and the both of you can tell me what has happened at the castle since my absence. Has Uther looked for me?” They fell into easy conversation with Arthur taking the lead. It felt, to Merlin, much like the meetings they’d held in Morgana’s chambers had felt, minus Gwen.

It was only when Arthur yawned that they stopped. “We’ve brought gear for sleeping. Merlin, why don’t you go set up?”

With a grunt, Merlin rose and left the two, arriving at the horses. He’d just finished setting up their beds when he heard a sound from behind him.

“Very funny, Arthur. I already know you can sneak up on me.”

“If I was Arthur, I’m sure this would be far more humorous.” Merlin rose and turned to find Morgana standing behind him.

“Sorry, Morgana, I thought you were Arthur.”

“That much is obvious. He’s still by the fire, waiting for your return. I left him there because I wanted to talk to you.”

The dark haired man paled. “You know, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

“How did you figure it out? Even Arthur didn’t know I was in love with him until I said something. Please, don’t tell anyone yet,” Merlin pleaded.

“That… I… What?”

“Wait. You didn’t know?”

“Merlin, no. I found out from the Druids that you’re a sorcerer. That’s what I know. You have magic, like me. And you never told me.”

Merlin felt as though all his muscles were pulled taught. He mentally shook himself before saying, “I couldn’t tell you I was magic. Almost nobody knows, but for a close few. And one of them is dead now.”

“I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt you, Merlin. You know that.”

He shook his head. “I don’t believe you would. But I couldn’t risk it.”

“Does Arthur know?”

“That I have magic? He has no idea, and I plan on keeping it that way until I have no other choice. Will you tell him?”

“I won’t, because you need to be the one who does. If you want him to be able to keep trusting you.”

“I know that he took your having magic well, but… It feels different for me. I don’t want him to despise me for my magic. For my secrecy. I’d rather do anything than lose him.”

“I can see how much you care for him, and how you’re battling against your fear, but you need to tell him the truth.”

“He won’t thank me for it.”

“I don’t think he will. But wouldn’t you prefer your telling him to his figuring it out for himself? Or worse yet, learning like I did, from someone else?”

Merlin ran a hand through his hair. He’d lived in fear of anyone knowing his truth for so long, he wasn’t sure how he could live without it. Here was Morgana, calmly talking about giving up the longest secret he’d ever had, as though it were easy. He knew it couldn’t be that easy, the cold ball of fear in his gut urged him that it would never be easy.

“Morgana, I can’t. Not now. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”

She looked a bit disappointed in him. “I hope you’ll change your mind. He deserves to know the truth about the one he loves. And, seeing as you’re not in the stocks after your little declaration, he must love you. Very much.”

Merlin blushed, hoping the seeping darkness hid his cheeks. “I don’t know how much he feels for me. I know he feels something. Can we stop talking about our feelings now?”

Morgana laughed, sounding delighted. “You boys get so bothered by it. Why wouldn’t I pester you with the dreaded feelings?”

The sorcerer chuckled . “Are you ready to head back?”

“I am. I only hope you’ll think about what I said.”

Merlin didn’t reply, merely turned and led the way back into the campsite. “The bedrolls are put out, Arthur. Whenever you’re ready to turn in.”

“About time. I was about to send out a search party for you, you took so long.”

“I waylaid him, so don’t bother him overmuch,” Morgana injected, taking a seat. Merlin stood awkwardly until Arthur motioned for him to sit, which the dark haired man did.

After a time, Morgana stated, “I’m for bed. Tomorrow means more lessons for me, and I want to be wide awake for them.” The two men stood as she did, bidding her good night.

“I think I’m ready to sleep as well,” Arthur said softly, and Merlin caught the look in his eyes.

“Um, me too.” Arthur smiled, bid those who remained around the fire good night, then followed Merlin back to their bedrolls. As they reached them, Arthur’s hands came up and took Merlin’s arm, turning the sorcerer to face him. Shortly, ever so sweetly, they were kissing with Merlin’s hands holding on to Arthur’s arms, and Arthur’s hands resting on Merlin’s shoulders. A number of minutes passed while the two enjoyed the flavor of each other. When they broke apart, each smiled.

“I know there’s nothing I can do to you here, Merlin,” Arthur murmured as he and Merlin each climbed into their bedrolls. “But you have no idea the things I want to do to you in my mind.”

Merlin could only imagine. But another thought kept creeping into his head. “Morgana knows,” he said finally.

Arthur yawned. “Knows what?”

“I may have accidentally let it slip that we care for each other. Romantically.”

“Oh, you idiot. She’ll never let me live it down.”

“That you’re with a man?”

“That I’m with my own manservant. Her gloating doesn’t bear thinking about.”

Merlin chuckled. “Good night, Arthur.”

“Yes, Merlin, good night.”

Merlin struggled to grow comfortable over the next half an hour. All he could think about was what Morgana had said, how he should simply tell Arthur. The thought made his breath catch. Maybe he could do it. Right now.

“Arthur?” he whispered. “I need to tell you something. Arthur?”

He heard a snort from the other man, and watched as the blond shifted in his sleep. Merlin sighed. What could he do, wake the other man?

Into the darkness, Merlin whispered, “I’m a sorcerer, Arthur, and I’m desperately afraid to tell you.”

**Eight**

Their visit was nearing a close. Arthur had especially enjoyed his time with Morgana, while Merlin spent many hours away from camp with Llywelyn, learning some Druidic magic and showing how he tried to hone his own. They had all sat together, once, when Cariad was teaching Morgana how to seek out visions rather than simply waiting for them to happen.

Cariad handed Morgana a cup with a dark, bitter liquid in it, which Morgana drank quickly with a look of distaste on her face.

“It will help you see,” the older woman explained taking back the cup and setting it down behind her. “Now come, lie down here, and know that the entire time, we shall all be with you. You do not have to be afraid.”

Merlin and Arthur sat on one side of the dark haired woman while Cariad and Llywelyn sat on the other.

“We’re here, sister,” Arthur said, nodding down to her. He could see as she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and she gave a little nod herself.

“Just breathe deeply. Close your eyes, and when you see something, tell us what it is,” Cariad said soothingly. “You may not see anything, but we can always try again.”

Many minutes passed while the four of them listened to the sorceress breathe. It was hard not to grow restless in the silence and the stillness, but none of them showed signs of needing to move. They were all here for Morgana, and they knew it.

“There’s a hand,” they finally heard. Morgana’s words were somewhat slurred, but they could still make them out. “It’s pouring a powder into a goblet. It’s poison!”

“It’s all right, you’re safe,” Cariad said gently. She reached out and patted Morgana on the shoulder. “We’re right here, and you’re safe.”

“Safe,” Morgana echoed. She then said in a hushed tone, “The goblet is being carried. It’s ornate. Very beautiful. There’s a hand taking it up. Oh, no. The king is drinking from the cup! Uther is drinking from a poisoned cup!”

“What?” Arthur nearly shouted.

“Quiet now, you mustn’t startle her,” Llywelyn urged.

“Do you see anything else?” asked Arthur in a much quieter tone than before.

“There’s something special about the poison powder, but I don’t know what. I can’t see anymore, I don’t see…” Morgana’s features went slack, and her breathing gentled into that of someone long asleep.

“Is that normal?” Merlin asked as Arthur stood up.

Cariad nodded. “For first timers, it is not uncommon for them to fall into slumber when the vision reaches its end. There are two other girls in our camp who are seers, and it happened to them as well while they were learning to control it. As it happened to me.”

“I must get back.” Arthur made his way around Merlin, not sparing another glance at Morgana. “If my father is in danger, something must be done about it.”

Merlin rose. “But what about the game?”

“We had a bad hunt because you make too much noise. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. Don’t argue with me, Merlin. We have to go.”

“All right, Arthur, we’ll go.” To Llywelyn, who had followed them out to their horses, he said, “Tell her we had to leave and that we’ll come back as soon as we can. Please.”

“I’ll tell her. You won’t make it there before the sun sets,” he told Arthur as Merlin gathered up what gear they’d had lying about.

“We’ll ride through the night.”

“No moon tonight,” Llywelyn stated. “You may want to make camp.”

“We’ll ride as long as we’re able. Merlin, aren’t you done yet?”

“Just another moment, Arthur, although this would go faster if it were done by two people rather than just one.” Merlin could only work so quickly and the blond knew it. The sorcerer knew that Arthur was just worried about his father, and he hurried as much as he was able. Tying the last of their gear to his horse, he said, “We’re good to go.”

“Finally. Thank you for your hospitality, Llywelyn, and for continuing to look after Morgana. I’ll see you again.” He mounted his horse, and saw Merlin doing the same. He led the way away from the encampment toward the castle. He was certain he’d be able to find his way back, as he’d paid attention during the trip there.

The ride was silent until the sun set and Arthur had to concede they could ride no longer. They got what sleep they could, and were back on the ride shortly after the sun rose. They made their way through the town up to the castle proper, where they left their horses with one of the grooms.

Merlin followed closely behind Arthur as the prince practically ran through the castle. They garnered many looks, but there was no time to interpret them. Arthur headed straight to his father’s chambers, worried that he’d find him there.

Reaching the king’s door, he knocked. The door cracked open, and there stood Gaius.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here. He’s been asking for you,” the old man said.

“Why? What’s wrong with him?” said Arthur, a distinct note of panic in his voice.

“He’s come down with some sort of sickness. Nothing I’ve tried has had any effect on him, unfortunately.”

“When did he turn sick?” Arthur asked, looking past Gaius into the room beyond where his father surely lay.

“Just last night, I’m afraid. I was just headed back to my storeroom to make another tonic for him to try. It’s given him the most dreadful fever which refuses to break.”

“I must see him.”

“Certainly.” Gaius stepped out of the way, and Merlin stepped a few paces inside. He felt a hand on his arm and looked down to find Gaius holding him back. “We should give them some time alone, don’t you think?”

Merlin looked back into the room beyond, unsure of what to do.

“Father,” he heard. “I’m here.”

“My son,” the king said, although it sounded a bit delirious. “This is her doing. You mustn’t let her get away with it.”

“Who?”

“Morgana. Your witch of a sister. Oh, how I regret ever bedding her mother.” There was silence in the room. Merlin and Gaius were frozen for fear of making a sound, and Arthur was stunned. “You’ll find her, Arthur. You’ll find her and make her pay.”

“She’s my sister,” Arthur said in an awed tone. “All this time, and you didn’t tell me. Or her.”

“Promise me you’ll make her pay for this, Arthur. You’ll stop the witch. She’s made me this way, made me ill. You have to stop her.” The king was clearly not fit for any company.

“I’ll leave you to your rest, Father.”

“Arthur, promise me! The magic has made her evil, you just don’t see…”

The prince soon stood before Merlin and Gaius, his expression shuttered. They quickly backed out of the room, and the blond pushed his way past Merlin without a word.

“Do you need me for anything?” Merlin called to Arthur’s back.

“I need to be alone. Don’t… I won’t need you until dinner. Bring a tray to my chambers. That is all.” His words were stiff, and Merlin wished he could run ahead and hug him tightly.

“All right,” the sorcerer replied. Merlin and Gaius made their way down to their rooms, and Gaius immediately went to gather his ingredients. “Gaius?”

“Yes, what is it, Merlin?”

“It’s not a natural illness.” At the questioning look Gaius gave him, Merlin explained about Morgana’s vision. The powder poured into a goblet, and that there was something off about the powder itself.

“This sounds like some sort of magical powder then, since none of my potions have helped him at all,” Gaius said eventually. “Did she see who did it?”

“Just a hand. Are the people from Osura still here?”

“No, they left early this morning. You don’t think it was one of them, do you?”

“It just seems like the obvious thing, doesn’t it? One of the people from Osura slipped the king something, and left before anyone could be questioned. Arthur probably will have thought of this himself. Or he will have before too long.”

“He won’t just go accusing people. Their leaving could have been just a coincidence.”

“Too late to find out now. Do you think you can cure him?”

“I’m certainly going to try.”

As Gaius tended to the king, Merlin took the time to return to the stables for their hunting gear, taking it away to be stored. He wasn’t worried about anyone questioning their lack of game. The king’s illness would be the focus of the castle, and Merlin was grateful that they could breathe easy this time.

Obeying Arthur’s wishes, he kept himself busy with other duties around the castle until supper time arrived. With the king sick there would be no lavish affair, for which Merlin was grateful. Having to dance on attendance to Arthur while pretending they hadn’t just been to see Morgana? It would have been slow torture with every course.

Arthur’s door was closed when he reached it. Merlin knocked with one hand, then pushed open the prince’s door. The room was bathed in the last light of dusk, and a figure could be seen sitting silently and still, perched on the edge of the bed. Merlin nudged the door behind him shut with his foot, barely in the room.

“Arthur?”

“Come in, Merlin.”

Making his was through the dim light, Merlin set the food down on a table before making his way to his prince. Quietly, Merlin said, “Are you all right?”

Arthur scoffed at that, making no indication that he was going to answer. Merlin gave a nod, slightly hurt at the dismissal of his care, and turned to go.

A hand wrapped itself around one of his wrists. “No, Merlin. Stay. Stay.”

The sorcerer turned back, uncertain. Arthur’s hand still held his wrist, but the prince had yet to look up. Taking the risk, he eased down to sit beside the blond man, comforted when he wasn’t ordered to stand. “Is there anything I can do? Light a candle, or a fire? Please, let me help you, Arthur.”

“I don’t want any light. And I don’t think you can help.”

Merlin eased his wrist free from Arthur’s grip and slid his fingers between the other man’s. Holding hands had never felt sweeter or more forbidden. Much like kissing Arthur did. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He felt Arthur take a deep breath beside him. “She’s my sister. Not simply my father’s ward, but my honest to blood sister. And he wants her burnt.”

“You know how he feels about magic.”

“It isn’t just that. He’s so convinced his illness is caused by her, he wants me to promise to go after her. I can’t tell him that I know she’s innocent because I was with her, and I won’t promise to hurt Morgana.”

Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. “When the king is well, you can talk with him about it.”

“And listen to him deny what he said? Deny his daughter? Because he’s certainly not going to own up to it when he’s better. I know him. He’d rather keep me in the dark.”

“You’re doing a pretty good job of being in the dark right now,” Merlin pointed out.

“Merlin?” Arthur’s shoulder nudged his. “Shut up. You’re not funny.” Although the prince had cracked a small smile. “I have to tell her. She has the right to know.”

“We will. We’ll tell her together, the next time we go see the Druids.”

“I suppose so.”

“Come on, now. I’ve brought your supper. You’ll eat it, and I’ll light some candles and the fire, and then I think you’ll be okay for the night.”

Arthur finally turned to look at Merlin, still smiling. “Bossy, Merlin. Acting above your station.”

Merlin merely gave him a cheeky grin, and was unsurprised then when Arthur’s lips came down on his. It was a soft kiss, a slow kiss, and Merlin gave himself to it fully. Not just for Arthur’s comfort, but for his own enjoyment as well.

**Nine**

“Morgana!” called Cariad. “Come, I wish to speak with you.”

The sorceress nodded, rising from where she sat and joined the older woman. Cheerfully, Morgana asked, “How may I be of assistance?”

“Walk with me.”

Cariad led Morgana through the camp and into the forest beyond. The silence between them was companionable, and, for a time, Morgana was content to simply walk. With all the help the Druids had given her, were still giving her, the least she could do was spend time with the seer. The dark haired woman assumed they would not be going too far, as neither of them had brought any food or anything to sleep with.

Breaking the silence, Morgana said, “Is something wrong?”

The corners of Cariad’s mouth turned down. “I have had a vision. Unfortunately, it was incomplete, and no amount of willing has been able to further it.”

“Oh?”

“You will be leaving us soon. Before the leaves stop falling. There will be danger for you when you go, but there’s nothing we can do to stop it.”

“Danger?”

“Yes. I think it is to do with your original vision, that of you pushing through the crowd. I do not know if you will return to us, and if you do, what shape you will be in.”

“I think we should try inducing another of my visions, Cariad.”

“We can only urge one along. If one is not ready to come to the fore, it will be a struggle for nothing.”

“We can still try.”

“I do not have any more potion already made. We would have to put it together.”

“All right.”

“The time it takes to create it can take up to a week. Sometimes more if there is trouble gathering all we need.”

“We’ll do what we have to do. Maybe the gods will be on our side, and I’ll have a vision on my own, one that tells me who and when.”

“And I can help you with that, without a potion. We’ve been working on your focus. I can get some of the others to gather what ingredients for me that they can while you and I pay attention to what we can do to further your control.”

“I’ve been practicing. Centering myself, and reaching within.”

“Along with the other magic you’re learning, I’m surprised you have time for self reflection.”

“Siorys has been teaching me how to undo knots with magic. Just in case what I saw came to pass and I needed to save someone.”

“It’s a useful skill to have when you’ve magic within you. Especially in Uther’s kingdom.”

Morgana nodded. Cariad turned back then, heading for the camp with Morgana at her side. Once or twice, the older woman stopped to pick up something from the ground, which Morgana could only assume was necessary for the vision potion.

“I only hope I can do some good,” Morgana said when they were nearly back. “I don’t want someone to suffer because of my inaction. That would be terrible.”

“You’ve a kind heart, Morgana.”

The sorceress blushed. “Thank you.”

They reached the camp and made their way through, stopping near the fire.

“Here is where I’ll leave you. I suggest you practice focusing your thoughts while the potion is being made. I’ll speak to the others now.”

“All right.” Morgana took a seat near the fire, enjoying its warmth. She would do as Cariad had said. Perhaps they wouldn’t need the potion after all. If she could just take control of her dreams, she would see, she would know. She just needed to focus.

**Ten**

The king grew steadily worse. He had his moments of lucidity, but he did not always have an audience for them. Gaius searched and searched for something that could heal the king, but everything he tried fell short of success.

It was late in the evening when he turned to Merlin.

“Arthur has been rather distracted of late. Even time with the knights isn’t helping him.”

“You’re thinking of his father,” the old man said as they supped.

“Besides Morgana, who is safe, I doubt he thinks of little else.” Merlin wasn’t counting the times he and the prince spent together, kissing, and touching, and learning more of each other as time spent thinking of Merlin. And he doubted Gaius really needed to know that.

The physician frowned as he ate a spoonful of potato soup. “Merlin, I’ve tried to avoid the idea of using magic when it comes to the king, but I believe we’ve run out of options.”

“You want me to go to the Druids?” the dark haired man inquired.

“That is an option. Another would be… well, yourself.”

Merlin sat quietly a moment. “It would make more sense for it to be me. Wouldn’t it? I’m already here, after all. But how? The second the king saw me, I’d be dead.”

“I’ve thought of that. We could go in while he is sleeping, you see. The only problem is Arthur.”

“Arthur? What does he have to do with it?”

“I’ve spent whole days with the king. Arthur comes and goes as he pleases, and sometimes he’ll simply sit by the bedside watching. What if he comes in while you’re doing magic? What we do not need is a prince taking offense to what we’re doing in an effort to save his father’s life.”

“You’re saying I should tell Arthur. About me.”

“He took Morgana’s secret rather well,” Gaius pointed out.

But Morgana wasn’t in love with him, Merlin thought, grimacing. Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t know if it would go over nearly as well. He’ll think I’ve betrayed him.”

“It is up to you, of course. If you’d rather risk discovery, I can’t stop you, I but I think Arthur should be told before he discovers it on his own.”

Merlin sighed at the echo of Morgana’s words, then pushed his bowl away from him. “If I must, it may as well be now. He’s settled in for the night, but he’ll see me if I tell him it’s important.”

“I won’t wait up for you,” Gaius stated, breaking off a piece of bread.

“I hope it goes as well as you seem to think it will, Gaius.”

“Yes, yes, now get going before my supper gets any colder.”

Merlin’s chest felt tight and his feet felt heavy as he made his way through the chilly halls. For the most part, the way there was deserted, and all too soon he found himself at Arthur’s door. If this were any other day, he’d simply push the door open and deal with the prince’s attitude, but tonight? He felt a bit like he was going facing his executioner.

Merlin knocked, softly, but not softly enough, because he heard from within, “Yes, who is it? Come in.”

The sorcerer stepped into the prince’s chambers, and had shut the door behind him before he noted that the only light came by way of the fireplace. Arthur was standing, and had turned to face the door when the dark haired man had opened it. Arthur’s face broke into a smile at the sight of Merlin.

“Arthur,” Merlin began, but the prince cut him off.

“How did you know I was thinking of you?” the blond asked, walking straight up to Merlin and backing the other man against the door. “It’s like somehow you knew.”

“Arthur, I really must talk to you,” the sorcerer tried again.

“Certainly,” Arthur replied, standing closely in Merlin’s space. “In just a moment. Or two.” And then he was kissing Merlin, and Merlin? Despite the words he’d rehearsed on the way there, despite the fear he felt in his gut, he kissed Arthur back. Briefly, he reminded himself that he could always tell Arthur later, and focused on the moment.

Held against the door, Merlin could only turn his head to the side and arch his back when Arthur decided he needed to attack Merlin’s neck with his lips, tongue, and teeth. The sorcerer held tightly to the prince’s shoulders, gripping them as though they were his only anchor to the world. Arthur pulled away, taking both of Merlin’s hands in his.

“The bed,” was all he said, and Merlin nodded. Arthur was dressed for bed, wearing sleep pants with a robe closed over them. Merlin was still fully dressed for the day, right down to his neckerchief.

When they reached the edge of the bed, the dark haired man undid the sash of Arthur’s robe, pulling it open, and the blond let it slide off of him and onto the floor. The last time he and Arthur had come together, this was as far as they’d gone, well, with each of them shirtless, and Merlin wondered just how far Arthur planned on taking things tonight. Not that he was complaining. He’d take as much as he could get.

Merlin reached back and undid his neckerchief, dropping it down, and smiled when Arthur began tugging at his shirt, wanting it off. Merlin looked down and saw his prince’s bare feet on the stone, and had the sudden desire to see everything tonight. To see all of Arthur, bared only for him.

The prince must have had similar thoughts because he pushed Merlin into sitting on the bed and demanded, “Take off your boots. And then the rest.”

“Yes, sire,” murmured Merlin, and Arthur’s cheeks flushed red at that. Merlin slipped out of his boots, and then, watching Arthur’s eyes, removed everything else until he was naked under the blond’s gaze. The prince panted, his mouth hanging open just a little bit as he stared at the dark haired man. “What about you?”

With a jerk, Arthur yanked off his sleep pants, then seemed to take some control over himself and whatever he was feeling. “On your back,” he commanded, and Merlin lay down atop the blankets with his head on a pillow, never taking his eyes off the other man.

Arthur quickly went around to the other side of the bed and climbed on himself, lying on his side and looking down into Merlin’s smiling face. Silently, he took a hand and just brushed it down Merlin’s cheek to his jaw, causing the manservant’s eyes to flutter closed at the touch. The blond then cupped Merlin’s cheek, leaned in, and kissed him sweetly.

Once this kiss had ended, Merlin asked with a slight inclination of his head, “Am I allowed to move now? Your highness.”

Arthur barked out a laugh, and said that he certainly could. Merlin did as he pleased then, pulling Arthur down onto him, and kissing him wetly. He could feel how hard his prince was pressed against him, and knew he was hard enough himself. Arthur shifted then, pressing Merlin’s shoulders down into the bed and straddling his hips. He leaned down and bit at the sorcerer’s nipple, making the other man gasp and thrust upward.

Arthur ground their erections together, turning his attention back to Merlin’s neck. The dark haired man had the feeling that he would find marks there in the morning. That didn’t stop him from moaning at the sensation and pushing upward to bring as much of their skin into contact as he could.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he groaned, “Please let me touch you, Arthur. I want to touch you.”

“You are touching me,” the blond pointed out. Merlin’s hands were restless on the other man’s back and hips.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

The look Arthur gave Merlin was pure cockiness, but the prince climbed off of the sorcerer and lay pliantly on his back, waiting for the dark haired man’s touch. Arthur’s hands were behind his head and he gave Merlin an expectant look. When the sorcerer hesitated a moment, Arthur said, “Well, go on.”

Merlin chuckled softly to himself. He could do this. He wanted to.

Licking his lips, Merlin trailed a hand down from Arthur’s neck to his cock, taking it loosely in hand. He stroked it softly and watched at the prince’s eyes close from the sensation. He tightened his grip, the skin soft where the erection was hard. He looked down at Arthur’s face, bliss on his features, and decided to do what he’d been dreaming of Arthur doing to him.

In short order, Merlin’s mouth replaced his hand, and at the first touch of that wet heat, Arthur’s hips jerked upward on the bed. Unprepared, Merlin pulled away and coughed, saying, “Sorry, sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Would you like me to try again?”

“Yes. Please, yes. I’ll try not to choke you this time.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said, moving back into position. Once more he took Arthur’s cock in his hand and guided the head to his lips. The dark haired man bobbed his mouth down over Arthur, taking in as much as he could while holding suction. Merlin had vividly daydreamed of his prince doing exactly this to him, and he hoped Arthur liked it. When he heard a soft moan, and then a hand came down and threaded through his hair, he assumed the prince was enjoying himself. He used one hand to jerk at the base of Arthur’s cock, and kept his mouth moving up and down near the top. Arthur’s hips began to rock in rhythm to Merlin’s ministrations, and the dark haired man relished in his lover’s enjoyment.

The prince was moaning more often now, and his hand flexed in Merlin’s dark hair. After a time, Merlin heard Arthur groan, “Merlin, I’m…” And Merlin shortly found himself swallowing down the prince’s come, the taste foreign to his tongue. Arthur’s hand left his hair and he levered himself up and lay down next to Arthur on his pillow.

Arthur moved to kiss him, and Merlin held up a hand. “You might not want to. It tasted very… bitter, and I’m betting I do now too.”

The prince merely rolled his eyes and pulled Merlin bodily into him, kissing him quite soundly. Merlin felt the hand that had tugged the sorcerer close sliding down his back, over his hip, and finding his hard cock between them. He gave a low groan into Arthur’s mouth, his attention very divided. Part of his attention was on Arthur’s lips and tongue and the wonderful things they were doing to him. The other part was fixated on just what Arthur was doing with his hand, pulling, and stroking, and jerking at the dark haired man’s cock.

Arthur abandoned Merlin’s mouth from time to time in order to kiss on his neck. Merlin thought his prince had a veritable fixation, but he liked what the blond did to him, so he wouldn’t complain. Arthur eased his head back to look at him, and Merlin had to close his eyes. He began to feel like his whole being was fixated on what Arthur’s hand was doing to him, and his breath came faster. Arthur seemed to sense his desperation, because his hand jerked over him more quickly, until Merlin couldn’t take it any longer, his orgasm ripping through him as his come shot between them. The prince’s hand slowed and gentled during this, until he let go of Merlin’s organ and the two simply held each other, breathing.

“I want you to stay,” Arthur said into the quiet.

“All right,” Merlin replied, his heart still a bit too fast. “Let’s just… get under the covers, shall we?”

Arthur laughed. “I’m the one who tells you what to do, remember?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Merlin said with a grin. “I’ll go first, shall I?”

**Eleven**

Merlin woke at about the time he normally did, judging by the amount of light that was coming in through the windows. Arthur, who had turned away from him in sleep, still slumbered on. Quietly, Merlin inched out of the ridiculously comfortable bed, and slid into his clothes and boots. He tied the knot for his neckerchief, and made his way out the door. He spoke to none of those few he met in the hallway, and moved as silently as he could until he made it to his room, where he quickly removed his dirty clothes and redressed for the day in fresh ones. That task done, he headed for the kitchens.

“Good morning, Merlin,” Gwen said as he approached her. She was kneading bread dough and her hands were covered in flour. “Goodness, what happened to your neck?”

Merlin fought off a blush. “It’s nothing,” he hedged. “Got anything quick I can have for breakfast before I put Arthur’s together?”

“Just there,” she said, nodding her head behind him. “It’s only bread, but it hasn’t gone too stiff yet.”

“Thanks, Gwen.”

Merlin’s meal was too short-lived, and before he knew it, he had Arthur’s food in hand and was back inside the prince’s room. He held it and stood at the edge of the bed, hesitant to wake him. Quietly, the dark haired man said Arthur’s name. The prince stirred, looked up, and smiled at Merlin.

“Morning,” Arthur said.

“Good morning. I’ve brought your breakfast.”

“Yes, well.” Arthur sat up against the headboard and let Merlin place the large plate across his lap. The prince began eating, and Merlin swung around the bed to tidy up the chamber. He took care of the clothes on the floor, and picked out an outfit for Arthur to wear that day. He carried it out for the prince’s approval. Arthur nodded. “That will do nicely.”

Merlin set the clothes aside for Arthur to dress when he was ready. He tidied up some of Arthur’s papers, then turned back to see if the blond was finished with his meal. He wasn’t, but Arthur caught him looking.

“Merlin,” he said between one bite and the next, “what was it you wanted to speak with me about last night?”

The dark haired man’s stomach felt as though it had plummeted to his feet. He knew he must have paled because Arthur was looking at him with concern.

“I don’t… Gaius is thinking that magic might save your father.”.

“I don’t think we could convince anyone magical to risk themselves by coming here, Merlin. Anyone who would must be some kind of an idiot.”

“Well, you never looked to me for my mind,” Merlin tried to joke. Arthur just stared at him. “I could do it.”

“Merlin, you’re not making any sense.”

“What I’m trying to say is that I’m a sorcerer, Arthur, and I might be able to help the king.”

Food forgotten, Arthur stared at him. “You’re lying. You can’t be a sorcerer. You can’t be. I would know.”

“I am. I have magic. I’m sorry I never told you.”

“Prove it,” the prince demanded, a dire look to his eyes. It was as though he wanted Merlin to fail so he could reprimand him, and was afraid for Merlin to succeed.

Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Merlin’s eyes flashed gold with the spell and a ball of flame appeared in his palm. Arthur didn’t move. He didn’t say anything either. He simply sat there, eyes locked on the fire the sorcerer held.

After too much silence, Merlin closed his hand to extinguish the flame, and said, “Now you know.”

Arthur looked back up into Merlin’s eyes. One pair of blue eyes held fear and regret, while the other pair held anger and betrayal. “I asked you if you had any secrets from me, Merlin. I asked you and trusted you to be honest with me. But you lied. You used one truth to keep me from digging deeper through your lies. Did you never plan to tell me?”

“I wanted to tell you. One day. I just didn’t know when.”

“Does any one else know?” At Merlin’s silence, he insisted, “Who else knows?”

“Gaius. The Druids know. They told Morgana.”

Arthur looked incredulous. “Does Gwen know too? Am I the only one left out of this?”

“I’ve said nothing to Gwen. Arthur, please. I’ve hated hiding this from you. But you know what your father is like. Look at Morgana! It’s either hide, be burned, or be exiled in this kingdom. What if someone was listening? What then?”

“Who says they’re not listening at the door, right now, Merlin?”

“It’s a risk I’m taking. For you. Because I might be able to help your father. I would risk it, risk being caught, for you.”

Arthur shook his head and gazed down at his breakfast rather than into Merlin’s pleading eyes. After a time, he said softly, “I don’t want to look at you, right now. I won’t need you for the day. Send Gaius to my chambers. I would speak with him.”

Feeling distinctly shaky, Merlin nodded. As he headed for the door, all he could think was, I love you. So much. I’m sorry I hurt you. He did not voice any of it, however, thinking it very unwise.

Gaius gave him no tasks when he reached the old man, and Merlin tried to look at the day as an opportunity. He took to his room and his magic book, studying in silence. The hours passed, and Merlin did not leave. Even though he was not tired, he considered going to bed shortly, as the sun’s rays were rapidly leaving his room.

“Merlin!” the sorcerer heard.

He hid the book away again before sticking his head out the door. “Yes, Gaius?”

Gaius waved him over to the table where supper had been set out. His stomach firmly reminded him of its neglect over the course of the day, so Merlin quickly made his way to the meal.

“I spoke with Arthur this morning, as you know. He’s agreed upon my idea, however, he insists on being there when it happens. We’re to go tonight, after we eat.”

Merlin nodded, his mouth full. Swallowing, he asked, “He hates me. Doesn’t he?”

“He doesn’t hate you, boy, but he has had quite the shock. You must give him time.”

Time, Merlin thought later as he followed Gaius to the king’s sickbed, may not be something they had. Gaius opened the door and led the way in with Merlin close at his heels. Arthur was already in there, his expression grim.

“We’re here,” the physician said needlessly. “Does your father need a sleeping draught?”

“He’s been asleep the whole time I’ve been here,” Arthur stated. He was staring daggers at the sorcerer. “All right, Merlin. Use your magic. Heal my father.”

“I can only promise to try. It isn’t a guarantee,” Merlin replied, coming to stand close to Uther’s side.

Arthur’s lips pulled down in a moue of distaste. “Try then.”

Things were tense as Merlin held his hands poised over the king’s heart. He intoned a spell, and his eyes flashed from blue to gold and back again. He hoped it was the right spell. It was likely the best he could do. Part of him wanted to try to cast instinctually, to pull the magic out of himself that he thought the king would need, but Gaius had convinced him this spell would most likely work. Merlin consoled himself that, if it didn’t, at least he had tried.

“That’s it,” Merlin said into the quiet, stepping back from the bed.

“Was it enough?” Arthur asked, looking down at Uther.

“We’ll only know if the spell has worked if the king gets better,” said Gaius. “It was a very old spell, and I believe Merlin cast it correctly. Now we must wait.”

“I’ll wait alone,” Arthur stated, still looking at his father. “I’ll send for you if I need you, Gaius. And Merlin? Don’t come to me until I summon you. I don’t even want to see you around the castle before I’m ready. Do you understand me?”

Merlin felt the words like a physical blow, but did his best not to show it. They were back to prince and manservant, no longer lovers, no longer friends, and it hurt. “Yes, sire.”

“It could take some days before we see a result,” Gaius pointed out to the blond, and then led the way out of the room. Merlin took slower strides, his eyes lingering a moment on Arthur’s troubled countenance. He wished he could know what the blond was thinking. Shaking his head to clear away his thoughts, he hurried to catch up with Gaius.

What nobody knew, however, was that the king was awake. He was aware. And his son was working with a sorcerer. It was not to be borne.

The consequences of his actions didn’t come to him until three days later. It was late morning as Merlin was making his way through the castle, planning on heading outside into the city to buy something for Gaius when he was stopped by two knights.

One of them said, “On the order of King Uther, you have been found guilty of sorcery. You are to come with us now to be locked away until such time as your execution tomorrow morning. If you fight us, we will kill you.”

The sorcerer’s mind blanked in fear before he even considered opening his mouth to deny what they’d said. To deny his magic. But it would do him no good. Taken by both of the men he summarily found himself in the dungeon. He didn’t dare use any magic, because that would confirm what he’d been charged with. His heart stuttered a moment. No. Not charged with. They said he’d been found guilty. He was going to burn.

But Arthur would save him, wouldn’t he? He couldn’t possibly be that mad. His prince had all day and night before the morning came to get him out of this cell, and to hide him or help him to flee.

He fought away the panic that wanted to choke him. Arthur would come. He just knew it.

**Twelve**

“Are you ready?” Cariad asked, looking down into Morgana’s face.

“I am. The last time we tried I got so close, I know that this time is going to give me what I need,” Morgana asserted. She took the small cup that Cariad offered and downed its contents before laying back and resting her head on a pillow.

“Just remember, I’m right here, and I will be here the whole time.”

The green eyed woman reached for the other’s hand, and Cariad squeezed comfortingly. Morgana closed her eyes, and it took less time for her to fall into her vision this time. She gasped at the speed of it.

“I’m tired. The horse and I have been riding for hours. There’s a crowd, but it’s not too big. Still, enough people to push through. I can see the pyre, ready to be lit. He’s lighting it!”

“You’re right here with me, Morgana, right here.”

“It’s tomorrow,” the sorceress panted, her body straining. “He’s going to burn tomorrow.”

“He?” Cariad echoed. This was new information.

“I can’t! His face is still too far from me, but he’s not fighting it. He’s letting it happen! I can’t see him clearly but I only know it’s him. Stupid, foolish man, he’s gone and exposed himself.”

“Who, Morgana. Tell me his name in case you forget.” With any luck, Morgana would recall all of it, but if she shouldn’t, Cariad needed to know. The less control a seer had over her visions, the less she could remember it all as needed. The sorceress needed more time to focus on her inner self, to learn that control, but she didn’t have it yet. “Who?”

“I don’t think I can… It’s Merlin. He’s damned himself and he won’t fight back!”

“What about Arthur, is he there? Can you see him?”

“He isn’t. I don’t understand. What…” The dark haired woman went abruptly limp and her hand fell from Cariad’s. One unfortunate side effect of the potion was that it tended to pull the seer under when the vision was done.

Cariad stood to leave her and went to find Llywelyn. Emrys was in danger. Her husband needed to be told. When Morgana awoke, they would decide what to do.

The dark haired woman sat up, one hand to her head. She remembered most of her vision, but things got a bit blurry near the end. She concentrated, but still couldn’t make his face come clear. At least she knew he was a man now.

She sought out Cariad, as the two had become fast friends with the time she’d spent at the camp. Looking up, she noted that she had been asleep for a goodly number of hours. Sundown was approaching.

“Cariad?” she said as she found her seated by Llywelyn near the fire. “Did we do it?”

The red haired woman looked at her seriously before nodding. “You gave me his name, child.”

“Who is it,” Morgana asked, her heart rate picking up.

“Emrys. The one you call Merlin.”

The dark haired woman shook her head in denial. “He wouldn’t. It can’t be.”

“Not only did you say it was him, but you said he was not fighting to escape. There must be something wrong with him, to keep him from trying to get free of his prisoners.”

“Arthur would never let it happen,” she insisted.

“You didn’t see him there. I asked you of it, and you did not see the man there.”

“I’ve got to go,” Morgana said, standing. “I need to be there.”

“We’ve readied your horse, but you will not go alone. Llywelyn, Siorys, and Einer are going to accompany you as far as the town.”

“But further than that, I must push on alone?”

“I’m sorry, but, yes. You never mentioned anyone but yourself and Emrys in your visions. There must only be you.”

“I understand. I need to change into my traveling clothes. Do you have a sword?”

**Thirteen**

Arthur hadn’t come that night.

Merlin hadn’t been able to sleep, even though he felt exhausted. He did try, briefly, but that only led to thoughts of fear. He was still afraid while awake, but things seemed better with his eyes open. The torch outside his cell flickered all night, and Merlin did his best to fight off the boredom. He went over the spells he’d recently picked up from his book. He wondered if Gaius knew he’d been taken. He was tempted to cast a few spells to break up the monotony but didn’t dare.

He wasn’t afforded any luxuries, like meals. He was simply forced to sit. He chose to keep quiet, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself. The last thing he needed was to anger a guard, and to have that guard decide Merlin needed to be taught a lesson. Magic or no, the men outside his cell were huge, and the sorcerer didn’t want to risk it.

He repeatedly told himself that Arthur would come throughout the night. Sure, they hadn’t spoken in days, but Arthur wouldn’t let this happen to him. Arthur had never said the words, but Merlin liked to believe the prince loved him. Goodness knew Merlin was absolutely in love with the prat. Stupidly so.

It was in a daze when they took him from his cell out into the castle grounds. He still didn’t fight them, believing Arthur would appear at any moment to save him. Merlin was forced up a set of steps, taken to a beam, and his hands were bound behind him.

The charge of sorcery, his guilt, and his punishment were read out to the crowd that had gathered that morning. He was given no time to speak, to plead, to tell them that this had to be a mistake. He didn’t get the chance to lie.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything and that’s when he realized it. Dazed, he slowly looked around. There was no Arthur in this crowd. The torch was about to light the pyre, and Arthur was going to let it happen. He really did hate Merlin that much. The sorcerer wanted to cry. He stopped caring what happened to him. If this was what Arthur wanted, then he would have it.

There was a commotion in the crowd in front of him. The torch had been dropped onto the wood, and Merlin was waiting for the flames.

“Merlin!”

He jerked his gaze up from where it had been watching his feet.

“Morgana, no,” he groaned. The prophecy. It had been him all along. He was so stupid!

The sorceress cast the spell which undid the knots at his wrists, and then she commanded, “Come with me, now!”

He did. In a moment, he was off the platform for the pyre, and he’d taken her hand to climb up astride her horse. She wore a sword at her side, but didn’t brandish it at first as she shoved her way through the tightening crowd. Merlin heard her demand that they get out of her way, but she never stopped moving. Hands came up to pull at him, and only then did she yank the sword from its sheath.

The people backed away enough to give her room, and quickly the two of them met up with the three Druids who were waiting just outside the city. Merlin merely held on, so tired, so empty, so sad.

The three Druids took the path ahead, leaving Morgana’s horse to follow behind. The sorceress could tell that Merlin was deeply troubled, but wasn’t certain how best to broach the subject.

“You haven’t slept, have you,” she finally said, her voice gentle.

“Not since they took me yesterday. Have you slept at all?” Merlin replied quietly.

“I drank a potion that gave me another vision. I saw you. The potion put me to sleep for a time, and when I woke, it was to find a plan already in motion to save you.”

“So not much. Thank you.”

“Did you fight them? At all?”

“I didn’t go against them because it would have confirmed my guilt. And then I was just waiting.”

“I take it you were waiting for Arthur?”

“He never came. He had to have known, but he never came. He just let it happen.”

“You just let it happen as well, Merlin. You could have fought for yourself.”

“I told him about the magic. I tried to heal the king. I haven’t spoken to him since that night, and this is the thanks I get. Burned alive. Arthur didn’t even have the decency to see it done himself. To be there.”

“Merlin.”

The sorcerer shuddered, again on the verge of tears. He refused to shed them. “I thought I meant something to him, Morgana. Apparently, I was wrong.”

“He could still care. There may have been a reason he wasn’t able to be there for you.”

“I’m having trouble thinking of one.”

Morgana sighed. She couldn’t really think of one either. Giving up on the subject of Arthur, she inquired after Gwen. “How is she doing? I hope she isn’t working too hard.”

She couldn’t see it, but heard the smile in Merlin’s voice when he responded. “She’s as hardworking as ever. She didn’t come yesterday either, but I doubt she could have managed a reason to come down.”

“She would have if she’d been able.”

“The same goes for Gaius, if he was told. I hope he’s all right.”

“I’m sure Gaius is fine, Merlin. I doubt anyone would harm him. Besides, with the king ill, they need him more than ever.” Morgana didn’t doubt the truth of her words. Merlin had said they he’d tried to heal the king, but magic wasn’t the answer to everything. Her time with the Druids had shown her that. Yes, they certainly used magic, but they didn’t depend on it for everything.

“Thank you for coming to my rescue, Morgana. You shouldn’t have risked yourself that way, however. But I still thank you for it.”

“I could do no less. You already risked yourself to save me. The least I could do was return the favor.”

“Now both of us are essentially banished due to King Uther’s hatred of magic.”

“We can live with it. We’ll be each other’s family as we need to, Merlin.”

That reminded the sorcerer. “Speaking of family, I have some news for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Prepare yourself.” Merlin told her of what he’d heard, of the king’s ravings and how Uther had claimed Morgana as his daughter, the product of coupling with her mother.

Morgana was quiet a moment after listening to Merlin’s words. “So Arthur truly is my brother.”

“Yes.”

“And I’ve lived as Uther’s ward this whole time while he knew I was his daughter. He hid this from me, and effectively lied to my face every single day. Now he wants me burnt, knowing I am of his flesh.”

Merlin set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Morgana.”

The green eyed woman shook her head. “Don’t be. Thank you for telling me. I deserved to know. Uther is the one in the wrong, not you.”

By the time they’d reached the camp, all Merlin wanted to do was sleep. Llywelyn guided him to the bed they’d set up for him and the sorcerer gratefully fell into it. Unlike the night before, as soon as his eyes closed, he was asleep.

Merlin dreamed of his golden haired prince. They were sitting side by side, talking, and bumping shoulders. Whatever he’d said must have been hilarious as Arthur began loudly laughing. In the dream the sorcerer felt cold and suggested they go inside where there were fires to keep a body warm. Arthur called him a weakling, and then kissed him, there, in full view of anyone who passed. If anyone cared, no one dared say anything, and Merlin felt as though it should last forever.

It was to his dismay that he woke up only to find that it had been, in fact, just a dream.

There was no sign of Morgana when he rose, and from the amount of people at camp, he figured he’d only been out of it a few hours. He still felt rested, though.

“Emrys,” came a voice at his side. He looked up to find Llywelyn walking toward him. “We didn’t expect you up for ages yet. Are you hungry?”

Merlin shook his head, and ignored the hunger that began gnawing at him at the thought of food. It felt like ages since he last ate. “Thanks, but I’m fine. Tell me what I’ve missed while I was gone.”

As Llywelyn regaled him with stories, the two of them took a long walk out of camp. The sorcerer didn’t try to keep up his end of the conversation, and Llywelyn didn’t seem to expect him to. Eventually they circled back, and the older man asked, “I take this to mean you’ll be staying with us then? For at least a while?”

“Yes,” Merlin replied. “Thank you for the sanctuary. I just hope no one seeks me out to try and...” He shuddered as he thought of the pyre. He mentally kicked himself for being so stupid. So Arthur hadn’t come. Why did he just stand there? Why was he so ready to let himself be burned?

He knew why. He’d gone numb at the thought of Arthur’s betrayal. It was a blow to the heart, and he’d simply given up. He wondered, when the first licks of flame would have reached up to him, would he have used magic instinctively? Would he have fought it, whether he meant to or not? He didn’t know. He did know he was grateful to Morgana for knocking him out of his stupor and saving his wretched life.

“You are welcome here, of course, as long as you want to stay,” Llywelyn said, breaking into his thoughts.

“I appreciate that. I’ll help out where I can. I don’t want to be too much of a burden to your people.”

“One more mouth to feed won’t break us, Emrys. Don’t worry. And another pair of hands to help out with the work is more than welcome.”

Merlin tried a smile. It wasn’t much, but he tried. “When do we start?”

**Fourteen**

Winter had well and truly settled in, and the shortest day had already come and passed. The Druids maintained that warmer weather was just around the bend, and all they needed to do was wait for it. It was on one of these slightly more balmy evenings that the word came. A handful of Druids had gone to Camelot for news and supplies, and returned to the camp just as nightfall came upon them. Morgana and Merlin were seated together, as had become their habit, laughing and talking while eating the last remnants of their late supper. Llywelyn welcomed those men and urged them to come warm themselves by the fire, to share what things they had learned while others unburdened their horses.

Merlin tried to ignore them, not wanting to know anything about the happenings of Camelot more than the basics, such as, were they at war, was there a famine, had anyone been convicted of sorcery recently? So his head jerked and he stared as Llywelyn and Cariad’s grown son, Leolin, gave the news.

“Say that again,” Merlin ordered.

Leolin shrugged and reached for the piece of bread which was being held out to him by his father. “Three weeks ago, the illness which had plagued him finally took its victim. King Uther has died, and Arthur has been crowned.”

“I can’t believe it,” said Morgana in a shocked tone of voice. “The king is dead.”

Somewhat acerbically, Merlin replied to her, “Long live the king.”

“Merlin,” Morgana rebuked.

“I won’t hear it, Morgana.” Handing her the last of his meal, he rose. “I’m going to bed.”

“There’s more,” the young man stated, and Merlin turned back to look for him. “King Arthur has confirmed the lady Morgana as his blood sister, and has offered gold to anyone who can help him find her unharmed. He’s also decreed that he will be lifting the ban on magic.”

“I can’t believe it,” Morgana said, hushed. “His advisors must think he’s mad.”

“It’s certainly created quite the uproar, but nobody dares go against the king. At least, not yet.”

Merlin shook his head. He’d always known Arthur would make a good king. He’d just never realized he wouldn’t be his king. Looking at Morgana, he said, “You should go back.”

Not arguing, she replied, “You’ll be with me, won’t you?”

“Even with the ban lifted, he made it obvious that I have no place there. There’s nothing for me in Camelot. He’s actively searching for you, though.”

“Even though he knows right where I am.”

“Arthur can’t come and bring you back himself. He probably knew that word would get to you somehow. I bet he’s waiting to hold a feast for you every day.”

“If only. Merlin, you should come with me. Talk to him.”

The sorcerer looked out into the darkened forest, saying only, “I’ll ride with you as far as the city. Then I’ll take my leave of you.”

“But where will you go?”

“I think I’ll travel. Find someplace warm to stay. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“But Merlin…”

“Good night, Morgana,” the dark haired man stated, done with the conversation. He headed for his bed and tucked himself beneath the furs, although sleep was a long time in coming.

The next morning was spent getting ready for their journey. The Druids were kind enough to give Merlin a horse, as he lacked one of his own. Once the horses were packed, the two riders climbed on after a quick breakfast.

“You’re sure you don’t want anyone to come along with you two to ensure your safety?” Cariad asked them when they were about to head out.

“No, but thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. For us,” Morgana said, a slight catch in her voice. “You made me feel at home here among you. If any of you need anything, come to me at the castle and I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

“Good luck, Cariad. Tell Llywelyn thank you for me,” said Merlin. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye!” echoed Morgana more cheerily. The sorcerer was taking lead, and he nudged his horse with his heels to get them moving.

The two of them were bundled up quite well, but it didn’t stop them from feeling the cold. With one swift shiver, Morgana said, “I can’t wait to reach Camelot. Warm fires. Mulled wine.”

“And Gwen, of course,” chuckled Merlin.

“Don’t you think I’ve forgotten about seeing Gwen!” she said with a grin. “I’ve looked forward to seeing her most of all. Arthur, too, of course.”

“Tell her I’ll miss her, would you? And Gaius as well.”

“I will. I still wish you were coming with me.”

“Arthur made himself abundantly clear the last time I was in the castle. I don’t wish for a repeat of that day.”

“He’s lifting the ban on magic, Merlin. He won’t have you burned.”

“Then where was he before? Not there. That’s all that matters to me.”

“He and I will have words on that score, I promise you.”

Merlin chuckled. “Thanks for that.”

They rode in silence for a few hours before Merlin said, after much deliberation, “Tell him I miss him. I don’t forgive him. But I miss him. He won’t want to hear it, but I want him to know.”

She knew exactly who he meant. “I can do that for you. Is there anything else?”

“Don’t forget that I’ll miss you, too.”

“Stop that before you make me cry. It’s too cold for tears.”

Merlin nodded in agreement. Then he said, “I think I’ll visit my mother once you’re safely away. Finish the winter in Ealdor before moving on.”

“I’m sure Hunith will be glad to see you.”

“She’ll be happy to have an extra pair of hands, at least.”

Morgana laughed, the sound quickly absorbed by the snow around them. “I bet she will.”

“I know we’re headed the right way, but I wonder how much longer until we reach Camelot,” Merlin wondered.

“We’ll be there by nightfall, I’m certain,” the sorceress replied. “Do you want to stop to make camp to eat, or carry on?”

“I’d rather keep moving, if it’s all the same to you.”

“That’s what I hoped you’d say.”

Merlin left Morgana at the city gates, and ignored the pang in his heart as he turned away from them and toward Ealdor. He told himself firmly that Arthur didn’t matter, that he should hate the blond man, and that he was better off alone. Only half of him believed it.

It took a few half-frozen days for him to reach his mother’s home, and she was as delighted as he’d suspected she would be upon his arrival.

“Merlin! Look at you, skin and bones. Take care of your horse and then come inside; I’ve just made soup,” his mother said, joy in her voice.

Soon Merlin’s things were tucked away into the house, and he was seated, and warm, with a bowl of soup before him and a spoon held in his hand. Hunith peppered him with questions about what he’d been doing, of Arthur and Camelot, and Merlin answered where he could and avoided where he couldn’t.

Letting out a yawn, he looked at his mother. “I think I’ll go to sleep. I’ve been traveling a while.”

Hunith nodded and pushed him toward where his bed. She knew her boy was keeping secrets from her, but he wouldn’t give on them until he was good and ready. She could push, and poke, and prod, but he would tell her nothing until he determined it was time.

Merlin lay in the bed and stared up into the darkness, utterly tired and yet part of him was wide awake. He huffed and rolled onto his side, firmly closing his eyes. He wouldn’t think of the things he’d lost, like Gwen, and Morgana, and even Arthur. He planned on focusing on his mother, and helping take care of her and around town until warmer weather came, and then he could comfortably take days long trips without worrying about anything freezing off.

Starting tomorrow.

**Fifteen**

Morgana had gone through the town unnoticed, her hood up, and her riding comfortable and smooth. Besides the casual glance, she drew no attention. Reaching the stables, she nearly sent a stableboy into shock when she threw back her hood and climbed from the horse. Knowing that her things, and her horse, would be taken care of properly, she made her way toward the castle proper.

Making her way inside, she headed straight toward her former chambers, catching one servant and commanding that the maid Guinevere be sent to Morgana’s rooms. She stepped inside her quarters and undid the fastening of her cloak, taking it off and laying it aside for Gwen to take care of.

She knew word was traveling fast. Morgana had returned, was in her quarters, was in the castle! Which meant that she could expect a visit from Arthur before long.

After a while in which she spent reacquainting herself with the things in her room, there was a knock at her door. “Come in,” she intoned.

Gwen pushed the door open and then stared at her with wide eyes. “Morgana!” she cried, rushing into the room and throwing her arms around the other woman. The sorceress laughed as the two embraced.

“How I’ve missed you, Gwen.”

The brown eyed woman stepped back and looked Morgana over. “As I’ve missed you! You’ll see that I’ve kept your room up while you’ve been gone. Oh, and things have been in such an uproar. You can’t have believed it.”

“I’m sure things went quite mad when Uther died.”

“Not only that, but yes. I thought I’d never see Arthur smile again. He laughed at something the other day, so I think he’s doing better.” Gwen looked around the room before asking, “How’s Merlin? Where is he?”

“He chose not to come home with me,” Morgana said gently, her eyes fixed on the figure that had appeared in the doorway. “He said there was nothing for him here.”

“Morgana,” Arthur said, staring right back at her. “You look well.”

“I’ve been well taken care of. How are you, brother?”

“Better, now that you’re here.”

The sorceress pointed a finger at him. “We have to talk, you and I.”

“I would expect no less. The moment I heard you were here, I declared a feast in honor of your return.”

“But wait,” Gwen interrupted. “Merlin wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye to me. To all of us. Where did he go? Is he coming back?”

“Gwen, I don’t think this is the time,” Arthur stated.

“It’s a fine time,” Morgana retorted. “He’s left for his mother’s, for now. Then he plans on traveling to who knows where, because he doesn’t plan on coming back. My brother can probably guess why.”

“I don’t…” he began.

“You found out about his magic, used him, and then left him to be burned, Arthur.”

A hush fell over the room. Arthur had paled, and Gwen was staring at Morgana.

“Merlin really does have magic?” the maidservant said. “I didn’t believe it.”

“That’s not important,” said the blond man. “Morgana, that’s not how it was at all.”

Morgana was glaring at Arthur during this. “Then how was it? Because that’s what Merlin believes.”

Gwen didn’t say anything into the suddenly tense silence, merely looked between the brother and sister and then back again. Finally, Arthur gave.

“Most of this I pieced together after Merlin was gone, so some of it may be wrong, he said. Morgana nodded. “Now, Merlin was supposed to use his magic on my father while he was sleeping, but Father was actually awake and not delirious from the fever. He’d pretended to be asleep. Once Merlin had tried to heal him, we left. In the morning, before slipping into another delirium, my father ordered a servant to send a knight to him. The knight was told that Merlin was a sorcerer, to be taken and executed the next day.”

“That doesn’t explain why he was left alone in a cell. Tied to a pyre. Did you know that he didn’t even fight it? He gave up when you didn’t play the knight in shining armor. Until I got there, he was just waiting to die.”

Arthur said nothing for a moment. Then he said, “Your dream. It came true. Thank you for saving him.”

“Why didn’t you, Arthur? Where were you during all of this?”

Gwen spoke up for him. “He was locked in his rooms, Morgana. Locked away.”

“What do you mean?” the sorceress inquired.

Arthur said, “Father later told me he kept me tucked away because I conspired with sorcerers. He always suspected that I’d helped you, and there I was actively working with Merlin. Gaius was forced to remain in his room as well, until the deed was done.”

“There were guards,” Gwen explained, “two directly in front of the door, and two standing there facing them to keep Arthur from going anywhere. The same was done to Gaius. I know, because I was tasked to bring them each meals. Arthur asked for me.”

“What could you do?” the green eyed woman asked.

“Little, really. I passed information between Arthur and Gaius. When each found the other incarcerated, I was tasked to find out why. And then I did. Arthur nearly went mad.”

“Gwen, don’t exaggerate,” Arthur admonished.

“How am I exaggerating? When I brought you your supper, and told you what I’d discovered about Merlin, you threw yourself at the guards!”

“That was why there were four of them,” Arthur muttered. “The first two to keep me from escaping, and the other two to catch me if I did.”

“Did you escape?” asked Morgana.

“He didn’t,” Gwen interjected. “Even Gaius, as old as he is, tried to put up a fight for them once I was able to confirm his suspicions, but that came to nothing, too.”

“What then?”

Arthur said, “The guards changed come night time, but not before they realized Gwen was passing messages to me. She wasn’t allowed to see me after that.”

“Or Gaius,” the caramel colored woman added. “And there was no way they’d have allowed me to bring food to Merlin. I don’t know who did.”

“No one,” Morgana stated. “He told me. He received nothing after he was taken.”

Arthur cursed and turned away, and Gwen simply shook her head at his treatment. After a few minutes, Arthur looked Morgana in the eye. “He knows I’m lifting the ban on magic, doesn’t he? That’s practically an invitation to come back.”

“I think he needs more than that,” Morgana murmured. “He was deeply wounded by this. He feels betrayed by you. And you know how he felt about you.”

“Yes. Felt.” The word was unpleasant on Arthur’s tongue.

“I don’t know how he feels now. He thinks you hate him. Would you feel any differently were you in his place?”

“I’d like to think I’d have more faith than that. He knows that I… care for him.”

“That may be a part of the problem, Arthur. I think he needs more than that.” Gently and with great care, Morgana continued, “He loved you. I know he told you as much.”

Arthur said nothing, merely stared at a point past Morgana’s left shoulder, his expression shuttered. The sorceress felt truly sorry for her brother, but this was something he needed to sort out for himself.

“Perhaps one of us could go to Ealdor?” Gwen wondered. “I doubt he would refuse to see me.”

“No,” said Morgana, looking at her friend and ignoring Arthur’s tense stance. “This is one battle we cannot fight. Arthur and Merlin need to figure things out for themselves.”

“I can’t,” Arthur uttered, looking pained. “I’m needed here.”

“For now,” said the sorceress.

“You’re needed here too,” Arthur pointed out. “Did you hear of the declaration establishing you as my blood kin? Or did Merlin tell you the truth of your parentage?”

“Both.”

“You are now known as my sister, but I need you to fill in for another role. I need you to act as queen. You performed many of the duties for Father, but I am asking you to step into the role officially.”

“And when you get married? Am I to quietly step aside?”

Arthur still wouldn’t look at his sister. “I don’t think I’ll be getting married. Not while… I don’t think ever. So you see why I need you to rule at my side. You’re the best person I can think of for the job, and I trust you implicitly.”

“That’s all?”

“Also, your children would be next in line for the throne, so there would still be a succession. I’m sorry to burden you with this, but I hoped you’d be strong enough to bear it.”

“Arthur, look at me.” After a breath, he did. “I’ll do it. I will act as your sister-queen, and know that it is on me to carry on the family lineage. If you ever get married,” she held up a hand when he started to interrupt her, “I said if, I will step aside for her. If you don’t, we’ll rule together, as family.”

The blond sighed. “Thank you.”

“Gladly. But one more thing? If you should have someone you love, someone who is willing to put up with all your irritating ways? You should love them openly, and let fall what may. We will handle any of it. All of us. Together.”

Arthur nodded. “I should go. You must be weary after traveling so long. And then there’s the feast tonight.”

“Just leave her in my hands,” Gwen said cheerfully. “I’ll take right care of her.”

“Thank you, Gwen. Oh, how I’ve missed you,” Morgana said, turning toward the other woman and dismissing her brother.

Arthur took the hint, turning toward the door, his thoughts tumbling over themselves. What was he going to do about all of this? What could he do about Merlin? It was such a mess. He was halfway down the hall when Morgana stuck her head out of her door and called for him. The young king stopped and looked back.

“What is it, sister?”

“There may still be hope for you. While we were traveling, before we parted, he told me to tell you something.”

It was obvious as to who she was referring to. Arthur tried not to look too eager. “What would that be?”

“He misses you. And he wanted you told whether you wanted to hear it or not.”

Tersely, Arthur nodded, and then continued on his way down the hall. Just what could that mean?

**Sixteen**

The weather had grown steadily warmer, and, although he’d greatly enjoyed the time spent with his mother, Merlin was preparing to leave.

“How much longer do you think you’ll stay,” Hunith asked one evening as she turned a chicken over a spit. She kept it rotating so the fire would cook it properly.

“Another week, I think. Not much more. I’m going to travel south, and see what there is to see down there. I can’t say as to when I’ll return,” Merlin replied, working on stitching up a tear in the sleeve of one of his shirts nearby. “Why, are you thinking of coming with me?”

His mother laughed. “I don’t think so. I’ll worry about you while you’re gone. You will take care, won’t you?”

He looked up from his work to give her a grin. “I always take care. Haven’t lost my head yet, have I?”

“Well, that’s true,” she murmured. If he was leaving, it was finally the time to be curious. “Merlin?”

“Yes?”

“I haven’t pressed you as to why you came. Alone. Half frozen. No friends. But now I’m asking. What happened?”

Merlin closed his eyes and tried not to sigh. Of course she would ask, he thought. “I was caught out.”

“What do mean, caught out? You didn’t…”

“I don’t know what happened. I was found guilty of sorcery. They tied me to a stake. Morgana saved my life, and we ran to live with the Druids.”

“Where is she? Why didn’t she come with you?”

“Uther died. Arthur put it out as to how he wanted Morgana to come back, and it was said that he was lifting the ban on magic. So she returned to Camelot.”

“Morgana has magic?”

“She does. Like me.”

“So Arthur knows about you both, then.”

“We each told him, before we lived with the Druids. He took hers better than he took mine.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t spoken to him or seen him since the night I tried to heal his father.”

“Heal Uther and expose yourself, you mean. Are you mad?”

“Gaius thought that magic was the only chance the king had left. So, shortly after that, I was put on the pyre. Arthur was nowhere to be found, the whole time.”

“Merlin, my boy, you can’t think he’d have left you to be burned.”

“That’s exactly what he did, though. If it wasn’t for Morgana, I’d be dead.”

“It’s not in Arthur’s nature to leave a friend in need.”

“He was angry with me.”

“Angry or not, he wouldn’t let a friend die over pride. There had to have been a reason. He wasn’t told, or he was encumbered. It may not be as you seem to think.”

“He knew where the Druid camp was. I would bet he knows where I am now, thanks to Morgana. It’s the same as that day. Where is he? Nowhere I need him.”

“He’s king now. It may not be so easy for him to get away. Have you thought of that?”

“I can understand that. But there’s a problem. I’m in love with him. Not matter how much I try to hate him, I’m in love with the prat. He’s never once given me the words, or any indication that he feels more than, than affection for me.”

“Merlin, do you mean the sort of love between brothers, or the sort between a lad and a lass?”

“I’m sorry to shock you, but I mean the sort you had with my father. Love.”

“It doesn’t shock me. I used to wonder about you and Will, back in the day. But nothing ever came of it, so I set it aside. I’m glad you feel you’re able to tell me.”

“I suppose I’m really running from him. Not that interested in traveling, to be honest. But I can’t stay here forever, and there’s nothing for me in Camelot.”

“Does he know you love him?”

“He knows. He… We… There was intimacy between us. If I were a woman, he’d have to ask for my hand in marriage by this point.”

“Oh,” said Hunith. She’d always known her son was different. She was now learning how much more different he was. “You know I love you, don’t you?”

“I know. I love you, too. I can say it. Why can’t he?”

“He’s got obligations that might make so he can’t pursue a… relationship with a man. The laws of succession,” she started.

“You don’t have to tell me. When I’m trying to hate him, that’s one of the things on my list. He’s more worried about his idiotic lineage than he can love me. He left me to die, he doesn’t love me. That’s what I remind myself.”

“Come here and give me a hug, my boy,” Hunith said quietly. Merlin set his mending aside and went to his mother, and the two hugged a moment, tightly. She went back to working the spit, and Merlin returned to his seat.

“I don’t know what to do, besides leave. There’s nothing I’m really good at. I’m a poor servant at best, as Arthur could attest. Magic is the only thing I have that’s truly mine.”

“Perhaps you should return to the Druids?”

“It’s likely that they would take me in again, but I hate burdening them with another mouth to feed. An outsider, no less.”

“We’ll take the day to think of your options. Tomorrow, over supper, we’ll discuss them. Together, you and I. All right?”

“All right,” Merlin agreed. He picked up his shirt and set to finish mending it, his mind torn between what he wanted, and what he thought he could never have.

Merlin hadn’t come up with any brilliant ideas over the day. He spent it doing errands for his mother, picking up this and that, and trying to stay out of her way when he was home. As the evening came in, he picked up the firewood he’d gathered for her and headed back to the house.

His load a bit wobbly, he opened the door and stepped inside, saying, “I’ve got the firewood!”

“Good, bring it in, would you?” his mother called back. Merlin grinned. He would miss her when he was gone. He always did. There was no one quite like his mother. “Add a bit of it to the fire while you’re at it.”

Merlin made his way through the small house, and did as his mother asked, adding wood and stoking the fire. Leaving the rest nearby, he stood and turned to find her directly behind him. He gasped and jumped back.

“Scare a man, why don’t you,” he said as his heart raced.

She smiled. “Supper is nearly ready. I’m going to go next door for a bit. I want you to stir the stew in that pot for me while I’m gone. If it burns, it’s on your head.”

He laughed. “I can do that. How long until I should take it off the fire?”

“It only needs a little while yet. I trust your judgment. Just don’t forget to stir.”

She left him then with a ladle in his hand, and he stirred it in the pot now and again, although he did let his mind wander a bit. When there came a knock at the door, he thought nothing of it.

“Come in!”

He turned his attention to the stew, judging by the smell of it, and how well it stirred, that it was about time to take it from the fire. He took a towel and carefully lifted the pot by its handle from the fire, standing upright from where he’d been bent over and setting it down on the table without glancing around the room. He’d been very focused.

Merlin turned his back on the room again. His guest hadn’t said anything, but the dark haired man wasn’t worried. Since there was quiet behind him, most likely whoever it was had come in, had seen that Hunith wasn’t nearby, and had silently let themselves out. He was about to hunt up his mother’s wooden bowls when he heard the sound of a throat being cleared. Never mind his previous theory. Still there then. He would deal with them in a minute. First bowls, then spoons, then supper. He wasn’t planning on waiting for his mother. She knew the stew was nearly done, and she knew of her son’s appetite. She wouldn’t be surprised to find it half gone if she took too long next door.

“I’ll be with you in a second,” Merlin stated, having gathered the two bowls from their cupboard. He quickly took up a pair of spoons from a drawer, then turned back to the table. He froze at what he saw before him. Who he saw before him.

Arthur Pendragon.

He couldn’t tell if he felt joy, or rage, or pain at seeing the other man. Everything seemed twisted up inside of him. His throat was dry, and he could think of nothing to say. So he did the only thing that seemed like it made sense. He ignored Arthur, and went about setting the table.

Both bowls and spoons found their places on the old wooden table before Arthur spoke.

“Merlin.” The voice was rough, as though it hadn’t been used in days. Arthur wore a cloak in the traditional Pendragon red, a comfortable blue shirt, breeches, and leather boots. A king dressed as a simple traveler.

“I’ll get you a bowl,” the sorcerer replied. He could be polite. He could be bitingly polite, and then King Arthur Pendragon would say what he wanted, and then he would leave Merlin alone. Forever. He ignored how depressing a thought that was.

Merlin had just taken a bowl, and was reaching for a spoon when he heard, “You don’t have to, but thank you. Where’s Hunith?”

“She’s nearby. You look tired.” Why did he care? Merlin wondered. “Have a seat. I’ll serve.”

Arthur nodded and quickly sat down. Merlin ladled the blond his portion first, a rather large portion because he would bet the young king hadn’t eaten much that day. Arthur watched his hands as the sorcerer served himself, and once Merlin was seated, he tucked in. Each ate and neither spoke until Merlin couldn’t take the quiet anymore.

“What do you want, Arthur?”

Arthur coughed around the piece of food he’d just swallowed, setting his spoon into the bowl. He’d been almost done anyway. This was good enough.

“Magic is legal now,” the blond king uttered. “Morgana lives openly as a sorceress and stands as queen for me. She’s next in line for succession, and so are her future children. The people have accepted all of this. We even make regular trade with the Druids.”

“I’m glad for you. For Morgana, and the Druids as well.” He paused. “That doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

Arthur was silent a moment before the words seemed to burst out of him. “We need you. We need you to be there, to be a part of it.”

“As what, Court Magician? Be honest. There’s no place for me in Camelot.”

“There is. If you’d just come back, you would see that.”

“Thank you, but no.” Merlin stood, picking up his bowl. “Is this all you came for?”

“I didn’t know,” Arthur started when Merlin turned his back to him to set the bowl aside. “I didn’t know that my father was awake when you tried to heal him. Not until he locked me in my quarters. Gwen’s the one who told me.”

Still not facing the other man, Merlin muttered, “I don’t want to hear this, Arthur.”

“When I found out what they were going to do, I threw myself at the knights my father sent to guard me. I tried to escape. There were four of them. I tried to get to you.”

Merlin was stiff, standing utterly still, as though these words were paining him. “Just go home.”

“I didn’t know that they didn’t feed you. I’m sorry for what my father did. I’m sorry for what I didn’t do. I’m sorry.”

Finally, Merlin turned and looked down into Arthur’s face. “I accept your apology. You’ll stay here tonight. You can have my bed. In the morning, you’ll go back.”

“I’m not leaving without you, Merlin.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow, myself. I’m heading south. Unless you plan to follow me and abandon your kingdom, you’ll leave me alone.”

“Please, don’t be this cold. We’ve missed you. I missed you.”

Looking ready to break if someone so much as touched him, Merlin asked, “Do you love me, Arthur?”

“You know that I care for you, you have to know.”

“No. That’s not enough. I’m going for a walk. Feel free to have more of the stew, but try to leave some for my mother, please.”

He headed for the door, opened it, and behind him heard, “Merlin!”

The sorcerer headed back into the wood where he’d gathered the firewood for his mother, and set about building a fire. He sat next it and used magic to play with the smoke and the flames. After a few hours had passed, he doused the fire, and made his way back to his childhood home. Arthur was still there, he knew, and a part of him felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

Merlin snuck inside, found a blanket and a place for him to sleep on the floor, and quickly fell asleep.

**Seventeen**

The first things he saw when he woke up were a pair of leather boots. And since his mother didn’t have feet quite so large, the one standing over him had to be Arthur. The dark haired man groaned. He wasn’t even awake, and here Arthur was to torment him.

“Your mother’s just left, so we can speak freely.”

“I spoke pretty freely last night,” Merlin grumbled, sitting up. He rubbed at his eyes, and stared at Arthur when the other man kneeled down so that they were nearly face to face.

“I can understand your hatred. Maybe one day I’ll even learn to accept it, but I want you to know one thing before I go.”

“What’s that?”

“There will always be a place for you in my court, and in my heart. I want you to always be there. It hurts me when you’re gone. I don’t want us to ever be parted again, but if you want to leave me, I won’t stop you.”

“Arthur, please. Let’s not do this. It’s so early, and it’s going to be a long day for both of us.” At this, the young king seemed to come to a decision. He moved lower, and closer, with one of his hands going into Merlin’s hair. Merlin seemed about to say something when Arthur closed the gap between them and kissed him.

Merlin wanted to just sit there passively, but he couldn’t. Even when he’d thought Arthur had betrayed him, had left him to burn, he still craved the other man’s touch, his kisses, even his words. Not that he wanted to admit it, of course.

Merlin fisted his hands in Arthur’s shirt and pulled him closer. The blond went willingly, delighted when Merlin deepened the kiss. The sorcerer wasn’t holding back anything, even though part of him thought that he was going to be let down again. He held on tightly, a part of him breaking, giving.

Arthur pulled back to look at him, and Merlin let go of the blond’s shirt. His voice rough, Merlin said, “I’ll go with you.”

Joy lit up the young king’s face. “You will?”

“At least to say goodbye to Gwen and Morgana.”

“You’re still going?”

Merlin swallowed and looked away. “I might be. Let me get up and get things ready. I have to find my mother and tell her goodbye.”

They were two days out of Ealdor when Arthur said, “I forgive you, you know.”

“For what?”

“For hiding your magic from me. For lying. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I think I understand why you chose to keep it a secret.”

“Valuing my life isn’t enough?”

“You were afraid it would change things between you and me.”

There was nothing but the sound of the wind blowing through the nearby trees for several minutes before Merlin muttered, “And it did. You wouldn’t even speak to me.”

“Merlin, I was angry at you for lying to me. I wasn’t angry that you had magic. You have to know that.”

“I know it now,” the sorcerer said tersely. “But I was convinced that you hated me for so long, it’s hard for me to let go of that resentment.”

“If you feel you need to resent me, then there’s nothing I can do. It’s just… It’s not going to happen again. I won’t shut you out like that. I promise.”

Merlin looked away from the road to see Arthur looking at him earnestly. This was the face he had loved the most, the best, above all others. Could he simply let go of the pain he’d felt? Free himself from the residual feeling of betrayal. He could see that Arthur wanted him to, but he didn’t know if that could be enough.

Merlin looked away. “Thank you, Arthur.”

He still loved Arthur, and he wanted to be with him, but he knew things couldn’t be like they were before. He couldn’t be Arthur’s manservant and lover. The young king was going to have to choose, one or the other, and if he chose servant? Merlin couldn’t stay. It would hurt too much to be reminded of everything he couldn’t have.

They made camp to the side of the road as dusk fell. Blankets and bedrolls were laid out before Merlin made a fire, and shortly thereafter Arthur planted himself next to the dark haired man. The sorcerer felt the young king’s heat through their clothes, Arthur had sat so close.

The crackle of the fire was the only noise for quite some time as the two men merely sat next to each other, each in his own thoughts. Merlin’s breath caught for a second when Arthur reached over and took the sorcerer’s hand in his, interlacing their fingers. The blond raised their joined hands and pressed soft kisses to each of Merlin’s fingers.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathed.

Blue eyes caught blue when Arthur turned his head to look at the other man. “Let me. Just let me.”

Merlin gave a little nod, and before he knew it, Arthur had let go of his hand and had cupped the sorcerer’s jaw, leading Merlin into a kiss. Arthur was being infinitely gentle. Merlin kissed him in return, and wasn’t surprised to find himself on his back with Arthur on top of him, never stopping kissing.

The sorcerer thought that perhaps they should stop, they should talk and figure out what they really were to each other, and then Arthur bent to suck at his neck and Merlin forgot about his worries for the moment. Their clothes were quickly divested, and the dark haired man marveled in the sight of his king’s body in the flickering firelight. His king, he thought, when Arthur went and bit at his shoulder, nibbled at his collarbone. He knew he was lost.

Arthur stroked a hand over Merlin’s naked hip and, gesturing at the sorcerer’s erection, asked, “May I?”

“Arthur, we’re both naked. Did you really have to ask?”

The blond grinned, and slid his hand down, coming to stroke the sorcerer’s hard cock. He ran his palm over the sensitive head, and looked back up into Merlin’s face. Quietly, he said, “I want to…”

“What?”

“Suck you. Like you did to me.”

“Please,” Merlin panted. “Wait. I have an idea.” Merlin moved and lay down on his side. Now Arthur’s cock was in front of his face, and his own cock was near the young king’s.

“So we both just…?”

“I want to try.” The first touch of Arthur’s mouth on his cock made him stiffen at the contact, but before long he was able to tackle the task at hand. He slid his own mouth onto Arthur’s cock, and bobbed his head in a decent rhythm. It was harder than he thought to keep purely on task, as part of him wanted to focus solely on the pleasure he was receiving from Arthur. Merlin hoped Arthur was enjoying himself just as much as he was.

When Arthur came, the taste was as bitter as Merlin remembered. The young king had pulled his mouth away from Merlin’s cock just to breathe as the orgasm rolled through him. He took a few moments to collect himself as he came down, then began sucking on Merlin again with new fervor. Able to just feel it and enjoy it, it wasn’t long before Merlin was coming as well.

Arthur rose shortly after, and the two of them drew back on their clothes.

“You were right about the flavor,” Arthur stated after he pulled on his shirt. “It is certainly an acquired taste.”

Merlin laughed then, the first real laugh he’d felt in a long while. “I think you get used to it with practice.”

Arthur pulled Merlin into his arms and held him, murmuring, “I look forward to it, then, if it’s with you.”

Merlin just offered him a small smile, giving no comment. He wanted it to be with him. He wanted it desperately, because the thought of Arthur being with anyone else hurt. But could they really be together? Arthur had never even said he loved him.

The following nights fell in a similar pattern, and Merlin chose to enjoy it while he could. Any troubling thoughts he had were banished as long as he had Arthur in his arms.

The city was the same as it ever was, Merlin mused as the two of them traveled through it. Soon they made their way into the castle and Arthur caught his arm.

“I want to stay with you, but I have to see what’s happened since I was gone. Do you understand?”

Merlin nodded. “See to your people. I’ll go see mine.”

“Gaius is going to be so pleased. He’s been worried about you. We all have, really.”

“Go on, then,” Merlin ushered, leaving Arthur at the top of the hallway. Merlin wasn’t certain who he wanted to see first, Morgana, Gwen, or Gaius. Fate made the decision for him as he turned a corner.

“Merlin!” Morgana cried, running up to him and throwing her arms around him. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Gwen followed behind her and came up to hug Merlin as well. “I’m glad you’re okay, Merlin. We were so worried.”

The sorcerer grinned. “Hale and hearty,” he laughed. “Will you come with me to see Gaius? And tell me what’s happened that I’ve missed?”

Between Morgana and Gwen, Merlin learned of Morgana’s new royal status, how well the kingdom was taking to magic being allowed, what Arthur had been doing since his father died.

“I’d been nagging him for ages to go get you,” Morgana confided as they reached the physician’s door. “I told him you’d be leaving your mother’s very soon, and that must have made him decide to go after you. The other day he just announced that he was going on a journey, told everyone to look to me if they needed anything, and was off. Just like that.”

“We’re just glad you’re home,” Gwen added, placing her hand on Merlin’s arm. “We’ve all missed you.”

They pushed their way into the physician’s room, finding Gaius grinding herbs. His face lit up at the sight of Merlin and everyone was overjoyed for a while. Merlin took a moment to pop into his little room and change clothes, for his other ones smelled of road and horse, and came back out to find that Arthur had joined them.

“What do you mean, Merlin might leave,” he heard Morgana ask indignantly.

“He says he might not stay,” was Arthur’s reply.

Morgana must have heard his quiet footsteps, because she whirled around on him, demanding, “You must stay. You’ve only just made it home!”

“Morgana,” Arthur admonished.

“No. He belongs with us. Explain to me why you won’t stay where you belong,” the sorceress ordered Merlin.

Merlin sighed. He supposed this confrontation would have to come sooner or later. “I know you’re my friends, but I don’t… I can’t stay and be manservant to Arthur.”

“Why not?” Gaius asked. “You were doing so well before.”

Merlin swallowed. “I’m in love with him, Gaius. Have been.”

“Did you know?” the old man asked Arthur.

“I do know,” Arthur confirmed.

“I told him I loved him before we became lovers. But he doesn’t care for me that way.”

“Merlin, you know I care about you,” Arthur protested. “Why do you think I brought you back here?”

“I don’t know, Arthur. You can’t even say it. Do you love me? Because it’s that or nothing.”

“Merlin, I…” Arthur sighed. The others in the room tried to be as unobtrusive as possible to this little display. Merlin glared at the blond, saying nothing. “I want to set you up as royal consort. To me. That has to mean something.”

“It’s not enough,” Merlin said quietly. “I’m sorry, but if you don’t love me, just being together is not enough.”

Arthur seemed to come to a decision, his features somewhat fierce. “I do, though.”

“What my idiot brother is trying to say,” Morgana started when Merlin just stared at Arthur.

“No. I’ll say this on my own,” said Arthur. “I do… love… you. I love you, Merlin. I think I was just letting fear get in the way. I just couldn’t say the words before.”

Merlin looked stunned. “Please tell me you mean that and you’re not just saying it so I’ll stay.”

“I’m not. I love you. I want you to be my consort. Please tell me you’ll stay here and be with me. We can figure things out together. Please.”

Merlin grinned, and nodded, and soon had grabbed Arthur’s face with both hands and was kissing him soundly. He could forgive him, Merlin thought, the taste of Arthur on his tongue. He could let go of his anger, and forgive him, truly he could.

They broke apart only when Gaius cleared his throat.

“You young people,” he said. “Some of us have work to do. On your way now.”

Merlin gave a laugh and Arthur chuckled, leading the way out of the physician’s room. Arthur, Morgana, Gwen, and Merlin soon found themselves in Morgana’s chambers, with Merlin telling them all about his winter with his mother, and holding Arthur’s hand.

**Epilogue**

“He’s beautiful,” Merlin murmured some years later, staring.

“He really is a handsome lad,” Arthur put in. “I think he looks a bit like me.”

Morgana simply smiled, and held her newborn son closer to her. She’d gotten married in the last year, and no one was happier for her pregnancy than her brother and his lover. Well, maybe Gwen, but then again, Gwen was such a happy person.

“Have you named him yet?” the sorcerer asked, looking at the small amount of hair that stood on the baby’s head.

“Gareth,” she replied, stroking a knuckle down the little one’s cheek. She glanced at her husband who stood near the bed and they shared a smile.

Arthur grinned and said, “A fitting name for the future king of Camelot.”

“I thought so,” Morgana replied, smirking at her brother.

“Can I hold him?” Merlin asked eagerly. The baby was passed up to him, and Merlin looked in awe at the small creature in his arms. “Hello, Gareth. I’m your Uncle Merlin.”

Arthur stood next to the sorcerer and smiled at the sight of his lover holding the infant. Merlin turned toward him, and the baby caught Arthur’s finger when the blond touched his hand. Little fingers gripping his larger one, Gareth stared up at the current king of Camelot with wide blue eyes. The man murmured, “And I’m your Uncle Arthur.”

“Look at the pair of you,” Morgana mused. “You’d think you’ve never seen a baby before. When Gwen had her twins last year, the both of you saw plenty of those babies.”

Arthur grinned. “This is different.”

“How?”

“I don’t get to teach them how to be good kings, now do I?”

“Especially as they’re both girls,” Merlin put in. The baby started to cry in the sorcerer’s arms.

“Look what you’ve done. You’ve broken him,” Arthur joked.

“He’s likely hungry,” said Morgana. “Here, give him back now.”

After handing Gareth back to her, Merlin said, “We’ll leave you three alone.”

“I expect to see him again later though,” Arthur stated.

“You will,” Morgana’s husband replied. “I suspect Morgana will demand it.”

“I will not!” the sorceress protested. “You two go on. Gareth and I aren’t leaving the castle any time soon, so you’ll see plenty of us.”

“All right, all right,” said Arthur, sounding harangued. He led the way out of the room with Merlin on his heels.

In the hallway, Merlin asked, “Arthur, do you ever regret not having one of your own?”

“A baby? Why, do you suddenly feel the urge to give birth somehow?”

“Don’t joke. I mean it.”

At Merlin’s serious look, Arthur sobered and answered honestly, “Sometimes I think I’d have liked to have had a child, boy or girl. What about you?”

“Sometimes as well,” Merlin said, frowning. “If either of us had been inclined to wives…”

“Then we wouldn’t have each other. Come here.” So saying, he turned Merlin to face him and kissed the dark haired man sweetly. “I wouldn’t give you up for anything. Not even for a child of my own blood.”

“You’re what I want as well,” Merlin replied seriously. He reached for Arthur’s hand and held it as they resumed walking. He took comfort from the touch, from the fact that he openly could hold his king’s hand.

“I love you, Merlin. Never forget that.”

“I won’t. Don’t you forget that I love you as well, and just how much.”

“I couldn’t forget that if I tried. And besides, when it comes to children, between Morgana’s Gareth and Gwen’s girls, we’ll have plenty of little ones underfoot. Just wait and see.”

Merlin smiled at the thought. “I bet they’ll get into all sorts of trouble. As long as Gareth doesn’t turn out as arrogant as his uncle, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“As arrogant as you? What a thing to say,” the blond said.

“You know precisely who I mean, prat.” Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. “So long as he doesn’t try picking fights with innocent young men on the street like someone I know, he’ll be great.”

“He’ll be great anyway. The question now is, will he be magical?”

“That is something to watch out for.”

“I expect you to take care of that part of his education if he is.”

“Of course, sire.”

Arthur chuckled. “Tell me, how old were you when you started showing signs of magic? Did Hunith ever tell you?”

Merlin began telling his king more stories about his childhood, the magic that was a part of it, and his misadventures with it. Some of them were his memories, some were stories from his mother, but he told as many as he could recall to Arthur, for no other reason than to hear the blond laugh. Merlin did love to make Arthur laugh.

**The End**


End file.
